Rising Senior Suspiciously, Concerningly, Creepily Excited To Take Freshman Courses
FreshmenWTF April 10, 2025 The New England Classic
GASSON HALL — Course registration is upon us, also known as the second most stressful time of the year to hear the words “pick time” be uttered. Despite the large number of classes being offered each semester, somehow, none of the classes you actually need to graduate are available. For some, this means taking random extra classes just to fill their schedule. For others, like Phil Thee (CSOM ‘26), this means taking freshman core classes in their senior year.
“Oh noooo. I am soooo upset I have to take the First Year Writing Seminar with all the freshman girls,” said Thee, as he hid a smile. “I hope I’m not everyone’s class crush. That would be bad.” NAME explained to members of the Classic how he kept putting off this requirement to get the best professor, and that’s the only reason he’s taking this freshman class so late in his academic career.
Thee reported he will make the best out of this awful situation. “Senior year is all about making new friends, so I’ll probably start with the freshman girls. Maybe buy them alcohol? I don’t know, clearly I haven’t thought about this much” said Thee.
“Bro loves to lie. First Year Writing Seminar has been scheduled for senior year on his four-year plan literally since freshman year” explains Thee’s friend, Joe Verit (MCAS ‘26).
“If I get a girlfriend, then I get a girlfriend. I don’t want to interrupt whatever fate has planned for me. I will say though, a three-year age gap really isn’t that weird, I mean that’s the gap of my parents” said Thee.
At press time, Thee was found emailing his old Portico and Courage to Know professors to see if there’s any way he can be a TA for them.
