The New England Classic
Wise RA To Freshman: “I remember when I was your age”
CLAVER HALL — Sophomore Resident Assistant Jessica Bryant (MCAS ’20) imparted some invaluable nuggets of wisdom to freshman Sierra Mortensen (LSOE ’21), one of her residents on Claver 3, Tuesday afternoon. With a full nine months of college under her belt, Bryant found herself reminiscing about the “good ol’... Read more
Vandy, 90 RAs Win Third Consecutive Opening Weekend Write-Up Contest
BOSTON COLLEGE — The Vanderslice and 90 Hall RAs won the 154th Annual Opening Weekend Write-Up Contest last weekend with a record-breaking 174 write-ups, making this their third consecutive victory. The fresh excitement of living on Lower Campus mixed with an oddly anticipated televised fight between two sweaty guys... Read more
2,300 Diplomas Sent To BCBlackWhitePrintQueue
O’NEILL LIBRARY — Mass hysteria erupted throughout the Heights on Monday morning, as University President Father William P. Leahy, S.J. announced that all diplomas for the Class of 2017 will be distributed digitally, and may only be accessed via the graduates’ individual print queues. This unconventional delivery method breaks... Read more
Campus Nerds Announce Plan To Hand In Finals Early
BAPST LIBRARY — In a rallying cry to all nerds on campus, a group of bespectacled, tweed-wearing students took to the lawn of Bapst early Monday to announce a plan to turn in their final exams before even three-quarters of the exam time had passed. The proposal was heralded... Read more
Sophomore Guy’s Masculinity Hanging On By Thread Of Embroidered Club Sports Patagonia
THE RAT — After an exhausting semester that consisted of seemingly letdown after letdown, Dan Wellington’s (MCAS ’19) masculinity was reportedly entirely dependent on his embroidered Boston College Men’s Crew Patagonia Snap-T. “I still don’t have a summer internship, I realized I don’t want to be friends with my... Read more
Anxious Student Desperately Hopes Friend Visiting From Home Has Fun Weekend
66 COMMONWEALTH AVE — After suffering through a lengthy and arduous series of texts, Alex Delamigo (CSOM ’19), has announced that he will be hosting his hometown friend Todd this upcoming weekend. Although Delamigo, a native of nearby Waltham, Massachusetts, claimed to have “no official plans,” his friend from... Read more
Distraught Freshman Girl Runs Away Down South In Search Of Sorority Big
FORT WORTH, TX — Boston College freshman Sophia Brambleberry has reportedly left the Heights and moved to the southern United States in search of her very own sorority big sister. She has been camping out on the campus of Texas Christian University since Sunday, sleeping on the lawns of... Read more
“You Look Great Today,” Reports Robsham Window
LOWER CAMPUS — Sitting there a little more reflective than usual today, the Robsham Window reportedly wanted to let you know how great you look today. “Damn! You look good as hell today. Is that a new shirt?” the Robsham Window told the press in a conference earlier this afternoon, adding... Read more
Tour Guide Claims Gasson Tallest Building On East Coast
MIDDLE CAMPUS — Stretching the truth for the fifteenth time during the short tour of campus, Student Admission Program tour guide Maxine Alturn (MCAS ’18) claimed that Gasson Hall, with its 200 foot bell tower, was the tallest building on the East Coast. Stating the boldface lie with calm... Read more
Tragic: Hundreds Of Boston College Students Are From New Jersey
Hold onto your seats, folks, because we just heard the most terrible news. As it turns out, hundreds of Boston College students are from the state of New Jersey. Can you believe it? This heartbreaking news was made public by the Boston College Office of Undergraduate Admissions, who openly admitted that... Read more