Dr. Douglas Comeau Can’t Get Enough Of My Sweet, Sweet Nostrils (I Got Called Twice This Week)
CONNELL RECREATION CENTER — Sunday at midnight. That glorious, soaking wet time when a large portion of Boston College students get their highly-anticipated weekly COVID test email. This week went by like any other: I logged onto Zoom for “class”, spread my usual pathogens, and spent at least an hour staring motionlessly at the prison-white walls I pay BC thousands of dollars for. I couldn’t have known that this week was leading to something extraordinary — that my Saturday night full of binge drinking could end in gaining a sense of self, a sense of purpose.
Dr. Douglas Comeau called me twice for COVID testing this week.
At first, I was in shock. I spent at least thirty minutes rereading the email subject line, “*Time Sensitive*: First of Two Covid Tests this Week.” Nine simple words. That’s how many it took for Dr. Doug to take my breath away.
I always knew I had great nostrils. Everyone told me so. My mother claims they’re from her side of the family, but my father is quick to try and snatch that honor. My friends constantly cry about how jealous they are of my beautiful holes. Ex-boyfriends would beg for just a peek at my perfect caverns, saying they drove them wild. And for good reason — they’re fucking amazing.
It turns out Dr. Doug finally noticed. I’m surprised it took him this long, honestly. It should have been love at first swab. Nonetheless, the truth is officially out — Dr. Douglas Comeau can’t get enough of my sweet, sweet nostrils.