Rampant Misogynist Says You Can’t Come To Super Bowl Watch Party To Only Watch Commercials
Campus CultureSports February 12, 2023
“It’s fun to have some eye candy in the room,” said Ist when interviewed by the Classic about his evening gathering. “I just don’t want them yapping about the commercials the entire time. I’m from Philly, so it’s a big night for me.” Hist, who has been described by his girl friends as “tone deaf,” and “insulting,” hails from Wilmington, Delaware.
Read more
Not Again! Scalper Sells Bean Counter Tickets To Unsuspecting Students
SportsStudent Life February 6, 2023
Initial reports indicate that an entrepreneurial scalper sold vouchers to Fulton Hall’s Bean Counter disguised as passes to the much-anticipated ice hockey tournament.
Read more
What The Heck? Fine, I Guess I’ll Take This Other Ticket While I’m Already At The Women’s Basketball Game
SportsStudent Life February 2, 2023
When senior Max Huckaby (CSOM ’23) walked into Conte Forum on Thursday night, he expected to watch a BC Women’s basketball game just like he always does. What he did not expect, however, was to be offered a ticket to the Men’s basketball game against Syracuse this Saturday.
Read more
However, Dropper quickly noticed that some players were holding flashlights and realized that something completely different was going on. They were giggling and chasing each other around in a rollicking game of flashlight tag. Dropper told the Classic, “I knew some of the players frequently used flashlights, but I didn’t think they were ever to be seen or sanitary enough to be touched by other people.”
Read more
Squash Team Eagerly Awaits Selection At Fall Harvest
Campus CultureSportsStudent Life October 6, 2022
For the past ten years, BC squashes have consistently been rated #1 in plumpness, #3 in unwarranted big ego, and #867 in general wanker-ness by the New England Parental Organization of Talented International Squash Mothers (N.E.P.O.T.I.S.M.).
Read more
Phil Jurkovec Spotted At Business Career Fair
SportsStudent Life September 23, 2022
After witnessing several muffed handoffs and fumbles of his resume, the Classic was able to obtain a copy. The resume included several of Jurkovec’s biggest accomplishments including his former attendance of Notre Dame, graduating high school, and duping a whole fan base into believing he was the next Matt Ryan (MCAS ’08).
Read more
Students Die Of Laughter After Classmate Wears ‘BC Dad’ Shirt At Tailgate
Campus CultureSports September 18, 2022
Ina Vator (CSON ’24), sent shockwaves through the Mod Lot during this weekend’s tailgates by premiering her most avant-garde, commentorial outfit to date. What could this outfit possibly be, you ask? Vator’s renaissance of fashion and comedy was brought about by her shirt: a maroon ‘Boston College Dad’ shirt, artfully crafted into a tube top that looks like it could fall off at any second.
Read more
Football Team Expected To Win All Remaining Games After Hafley Announces “No More Mister Nice Guy”
Sports September 17, 2022
In reports coming in from all across the nation, opposing coaches are literally shivering their timbers, nervously biting their nails back and forth like a typewriter, and losing all bodily fluids at the thought of having to face Hafley and the Eagles. Sports analysts are now scrambling to re-rank all teams nationwide, and many projections now have BC ranked as number one in the country.
Read more
The Campus Activities Board of Boston College (CAB) made a surprise announcement Monday detailing its plan to cancel Mudstock and replace it with “Soupcrock.” Mudstock, the beloved annual student volleyball tournament, was scheduled for the first week of May.
Read more