The New England Classic
Sophomore Guy’s Masculinity Hanging On By Thread Of Embroidered Club Sports Patagonia
THE RAT — After an exhausting semester that consisted of seemingly letdown after letdown, Dan Wellington’s (MCAS ’19) masculinity was reportedly entirely dependent on his embroidered Boston College Men’s Crew Patagonia Snap-T. “I still don’t have a summer internship, I realized I don’t want to be friends with my... Read more
Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game
ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football... Read more
OPINION: I’m Running The Marathon And I’m Not Afraid To Admit It
You may have heard some of the rumors that have been floating around these past few months. Well, allow me to set the record straight: I’m running the Boston Marathon this year, and I’m not afraid to admit it. There, I said it. I know you must be shocked,... Read more
With Wagner Game Tomorrow, Addazio Looking To Relive Glory Days As High School Bully
STATEN ISLAND, NY — As Boston College’s first home approaches tomorrow afternoon, no one is more eager for kickoff than the Eagles’ head coach Steve Addazio, Farmington High’s premiere bully from 1973-1977. After suffering what can only be described as a total embarrassment last week in a 49-0 loss to Virginia... Read more
Addazio Will Coach In Ireland Via Skype After Forgetting To Renew Passport
DUBLIN, IRELAND — After a record-breaking 0-8 record in the ACC last season, Boston College’s football team appears to be getting off to another rough start before even touching the field. Head coach Steve Addazio, somehow ignoring months of reminders from Brad Bates and the rest of the athletic department... Read more
BC Athletics Downgrades ‘SuperFans’ to ‘OkayFans’

Consistent mediocrity appears to be SuperFan’s kryptonite.

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BC Volunteer Organizations Strive for Top High School Recruits on National Signing Day
With National Signing Day season upon high school athletes everywhere, much of the usual will be going on in the so-called “War Rooms” of the Boston College Athletic Department: BC Football will be looking for someone who can make an extra point, BC hockey will be looking for some... Read more
Athlete Loses Backpack in Snow, Again
“God dammit, not again,” said baseball player and A&S ’16 communications major Alexander O’Neill while on his knees digging through the snow near Edmonds Hall, looking for his white backpack. “I swear I put it down here somewhere.” “I just put it down for like one minute, and then,... Read more
BC Women’s Hockey to Join Football Team; Jumps to #1 in AP Preseason Poll
In a move that shocks the #BeADude Movement, the undefeated Women’s hockey team has announced a merger into the BC Eagles football team for the upcoming 2015 Season. A spokesperson for the women’s team stated that they were “Tired of destroying everyone” and “Needed a new challenge to keep them... Read more