The New England Classic
Conte Forum Outsources Extra Space During Basketball Games To Chemistry Department
CONTE FORUM — Citing an extreme lack of ticket sales, the Boston College men’s basketball team has decided to outsource the extra space in Conte Forum during home games. The move aims to provide the university with a solution to the classroom deficit caused by the imminent closing of... Read more
Addazio Left Home Alone, May Miss First Responder Bowl
YAWKEY ATHLETICS CENTER — Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio may miss this Wednesday’s matchup against Boise State at the First Responder Bowl in Dallas after being left home alone by the team. The head coach’s absence from the team comes at “a very unfortunate time” for the... Read more
Addazio Still Not Excused from Thanksgiving Dinner Table, May Miss Syracuse Game
THE ADDAZIO RESIDENCE – Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio may miss the team’s matchup against Syracuse after it was reported early Saturday morning that Addazio had still yet to be excused from Thursday’s Thanksgiving dinner table after refusing to eat the vegetables on his plate. While other... Read more
Comm. Ave Bus Flipped As Sox Fans Destroy City They Love
COMMONWEALTH AVE. — On Sunday night, Boston College’s Red Sox fans celebrated the team’s World Series victory against the L.A. Dodgers. As the game came to a close, the boys on the eighth floor of Walsh cooked up the most genius play of the night. “Bros, how wild would... Read more
Confused Addazio Evacuates Chestnut Hill Due To Incoming Hurricanes, May Miss Miami Game
ALUMNI STADIUM — Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio may miss the team’s Friday night matchup against the University of Miami after Addazio reportedly evacuated Chestnut Hill late Thursday evening, due to what he described as “serious concerns over incoming hurricanes.” While the only hurricanes making their way... Read more
Tailgating Parents Totally Unaware That Lilly Is Blacked Out
MOD LOT — Staggering around her roommate’s friend’s tailgate, Lilly Carter (MCAS ’22) reported that game days were her favorite because “none of these parents can even tell I’m shithoused!” An avid football fan, Carter woke up at 8:30 AM to start ripping shots of vodka and sipping spiked... Read more
Addazio Begs Team Not To Embarrass Him In Front Of His Ex
ALUMNI STADIUM — With the Temple Owls in town to take on the 3–1 Eagles this weekend, head football coach Steve Addazio has reportedly reminded his team multiple times this week to “not embarrass him in front of his ex.” His ex, of course, refers to the Temple football... Read more
Addazio Refuses To Board Team Plane After Watching “Snakes On A Plane,” May Miss Purdue Game
LOGAN AIRPORT — Boston College head football coach Steve Addazio may miss this Saturday’s game against Purdue after refusing to board the team plane to Indiana earlier this morning. While the reason for his refusal to board the plane was initially in question, Coach Addazio was quick to clarify.... Read more
Yoga Mat Thrilled To Spend Another Year Under Junior’s Bed
STAYER HALL — The large black yoga mat belonging to local junior Vivian Greene has finally made peace with the fact that it will be neglected and ignored for the entire 2018-2019 school year. Like many Boston College students, Greene recently declared a newfound commitment to exercise, but has... Read more
OPINION: BC Football May Be Ranked, But They’ll Never Be Better Than The 1986 New York Mets
By  Michael Prisciantelli (Class of  1982) Superfans of all shapes, sizes, and median annual incomes were given reason to rejoice this weekend as Boston College was ranked one of the nation’s top 25 college football teams for the first time since 2008. After 10 long years, the Eagles will... Read more