Uh Oh! Someone Just Mentioned Taylor Swift Around A 5’5” Man Who Loves Football
Big IssuesSports February 13, 2024 The New England Classic
WHOVILLE — As Superbowl parties and parlays caked the American landscape this past Sunday, many fans of the game flocked to their television screens to view the biggest American sporting event of the year. Some of America’s biggest superstars, like Taylor Swift, Ice Spice, and Lady Gaga, were able to spectate from the comfort of their boxes, surrounded by other famous people, including Alicia Keys’ husband Swizz Beats, who reportedly left at halftime. Even though the aforementioned Miss Swift was only given fifty three seconds of airtime out of the four-and-a-half hours that the full program ran, many, including BC student Richard Little (CSOM ‘25), thought it was far too much.
The Monday following the big game, another student and vague acquaintance of Mr. Little, Taylor McGlazer (CSON ‘25), made the mistake of bringing up Taylor in his vicinity. “All I wanted to do was talk to my girls about when we’re planning on posting our synchronized Instagram story posts that say ‘Karma is the guy on the Chiefs’,” claimed McGlazer.
After this innocent exchange between friends, Little allegedly interrupted, looked up at the group of women, and stated, “We used to be a country, the Super Bowl used to mean something gosh dammit!” before being met with silence.
This silence, however, did not deter the incensed Little, as it is reported he stormed back with, “It’s all a publicity stunt, I hate Joe Biden, how did Taylor Swift even get famous? I have deep-seated insecurities!”
Freudian slip aside, his rant made little-to-no sense, and as he packed another 1.5mg spearmint Zyn, McGlazer and her friends walked out of the second floor plex weights area, where Little had been curling fifteen-pound weights for the past thirty minutes.
“When he stood up and started shouting, it was giving Lorax,” reported McGlazer, “I guess he’s in his Reputation era.” A few minutes after the incident, a bystander reportedly got a look at Little’s phone and saw him listening to a playlist labeled “Lone Wolf” filled with hundreds of Brazilian phonk songs.
At press time, Little could not be reached for comment, but was seen dropshipping pirated copies of American Psycho and researching illegal leg extension surgery from Turkey. 
