School Archives | Page 4 of 11 | The New England Classic

New Conte Forum Renovation To Include Extensive Area For ‘Well There’s Always Next Year’ Trophies

School Sports April 4, 2022

The real appeal of this new complex comes in the form of a 30 million dollar, four-story, indoor-outdoor, climate controlled trophy section. This new ‘Trophy World’ area will house BC’s countless participation ribbons, “At Least We Tried” banners, “There Are No Losers In God’s Eyes” medals, and of course “Well There’s Always Next Year” Trophies.

See-Through Schiller: Voyeurs and Exhibitionists Rejoice!

Campus Culture School Student Life February 1, 2022

Integrated Sciences Building — Peepers, snoopers, busybodies, and nosy nellies alike were elated by the opening of the brand spanking new Schiller Institute. The majority of classrooms of Schiller, which house engineering courses, high-tech laboratories, and uncomfortable rolling desks, have at least one clear wall. As the nerds filed... Read more

Professor Hosts Office Hours In Home On November 25th

Featured Holidays School November 24, 2021

CHESTNUT HILL — Late last night, all freshmen enrolled in the famous first-year seminar entitled Courage to Know (UNCS 2201) received a Canvas notification from their professor, Cue T. Pie. The announcement stated that despite the reprieve from classes Wednesday-Friday, Professor Pie would be holding office hours in her... Read more

Brad From CSOM: A Day In The Life

School Student Life November 4, 2021

“I go ham on establishing my 500+ connections on LinkedIn—the primary determinant of my self-worth. It’s also my second-choice dating app, surpassed only by Christian Mingle.”

SPOOKY: Turtleneck Hides Vampire Bite

School Spooky October 25, 2021

The outbreak began a few weeks ago with the beginning of the new lunar cycle, according to supernatural scholars. “We are very concerned by these latest developments,” said Fr. Donald Callahan. “While the number of infected students is still relatively low, that is more of a sign of the lack of virgins on campus, which is equally troubling.”

Run! Philosophy Student Wants To Tell You What He’s Learned

Campus Culture Freshmen School October 7, 2021

STOKES NORTH — Freshman Franny Bacon (MCAS ’25) was found virtuously engaging in Socratic discourse with literally anyone who passed him yesterday afternoon. After a few weeks in Perspectives I, Bacon reports feeling “enlightened” and possessing a newfound sense of “metaphysical contemplation.” “It’s hard to believe that I’ve never... Read more

Class of 1952 Retakes Superfan Photo, Guy Had His Eyes Closed

School Student Life September 30, 2021

ALUMNI STADIUM — Old timers gathered and reminisced Sunday when the Boston College Class of 1952 assembled to retake their Superfan photo after realizing that Jerry “Skippy-Do” McGinty had his eyes closed in the first one. When the do-over was snapped, Ol’ Skippy-Do himself was front and center, eyes... Read more

Freshman Unknowingly Brings Mom to “Freud 101”

Freshmen School September 23, 2021

“I obviously don’t have the hots for my mom. That would be so gross. I mean, she’s a beautiful lady. I’m not gonna deny it. And she does look really nice in those Banana Republic slacks she wore today, but that’s just me being observational.”

Professor Asks “Just The Ugly Kids” To Mask Up In Class

Coronavirus School Student Life September 14, 2021

Students expressed widespread indignation Monday when Prof. Patrick Lanzoni requested “just the ugly kids” in his Globalization I class wear masks. The announcement came after Lanzoni lamented seeing “atrocious acne” and “a severe lack of smokeshows” for 2 weeks.

Lynch To Add ‘CoComelon’ Studies To List Of Majors

Campus Culture School September 8, 2021

CAMPION HALL — Students in the Lynch School of Education were shocked to see a giant anthropomorphized watermelon blocking the entrance to Campion Hall as classes resumed this week. With the fall semester now underway, the LSOE administration has announced the addition of “CoComelon Studies” to its list of... Read more