The New England Classic
Professor Asks For Name, Major, And Scopa Tu Manaa

“Like, not to Bomboclaat, but she looks like how I feel about dropping this class.” 

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Academic Advising: “UIS Had Darkmode First”
STOKES S140 — After learning few weeks too late that “dark mode” is now a popular smartphone feature, head of the Academic Advising, John Dunderhead, MCAS ’82, officially scrapped all plans to revamp UIS. Rumors of converting UIS into a more user-friendly platform have been heard around campus, but... Read more
Thursday’s Globalization Lecture Canceled After Old Tweets Resurface
MCGUINN HALL — Professor Rachel Godwin’s Thursday afternoon Globalization I lecture was canceled early Wednesday morning after damning tweets resurfaced that called into question the professor’s credibility as an authority on historical information. Posted late in August of 2017, the tweets themselves were a diatribe on the necessity of... Read more
“Woah, It’s Windy,” Reports Entire Student Body
O’NEILL QUAD — Cries of “WoOOoOaaAAAaahh wiiIInnnNdDDyyYy!!” were heard all across campus today, after the head weatherman confirmed the suspicions of BC’s budding meteorologists: today was a windy day. Wendy Dei (CSOM ’22) was one of the first students to notice this gusty phenomenon. She gave Classic reporters her... Read more
Feminism Win: This Woman Slept With Her Professor To Get A Better Grade, But Didn’t Let Him Finish
STOKES HALL 324S — Late Monday evening, young feminist Natasha Meyer (CSOM ’21) delivered a major blow to the patriarchy by sleeping with her professor to receive a better grade on an exam — without letting him finish.  After receiving a failing midterm grade, Meyer wasted no time in... Read more
Psych Major Drops Out: “I’m Tired Of This Neuroscience B.S.”
HIGGINS HALL — Senior neuroscience major Emma McArthur reportedly threw in the towel on Tuesday evening and decided to drop out of Boston College just two semesters away from completing her degree. The night of the breakdown, McArthur was sitting in her Psychophysiology Of Stress class. Classmates on the... Read more


SchoolWTF April 17, 2019

FULTON HALL — A report been done has say that CSOM bad. This report done by CSOM (bad) and confirmding this is the school’s spokesguy who speaks at school and says, “CSOM bad.” Students in and teachers at Boston’s College are agree with CSOM bad. MCAS guy Steven Stevens,... Read more
Student Causes Concern After Putting Well-being Before Academics
STAYER HALL — Junior Joanna Yost returned to Boston College last Sunday after a relaxing weekend at home, and found herself in the middle of judgmental and passive-aggressive comments from her peers. They were reportedly “dumbfounded” when she revealed that she had spent her time home unwinding and decompressing... Read more
Embarrassed Psych Major Didn’t Do Palm Reading For Today

“Franklin declined to give The Classic any comment. Efforts to reach out to her third eye were unsuccessful as well.”

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Pre-Med Student Password Protects Her Quizlets
O’NEILL LIBRARY — This past Friday, freshman pre-med student Jessica Connors announced her recent decision to put passwords on her quizlets. Connors was most recently seen taking up an entire table with her books and her molecular modeling kit in preparation for her upcoming chemistry exam. Connors, who reportedly... Read more