The New England Classic
Congratulations Class Of 2026! If We Make It That Far…

Congratulations Class Of 2026! If We Make It That Far…

FreshmenSchool April 6, 2022 The New England Classic

If we manage to escape the Western descent into fascism, the constant threat of nuclear war, the ever increasing threat of climate change, gerrymandering,... Congratulations Class Of 2026! If We Make It That Far…

Congratulations Class of 2026! If we manage to escape the Western descent into fascism, the constant threat of nuclear war, the ever increasing threat of climate change, gerrymandering, Exxon Mobil, NFTs, shrimp in Cinnamon Toast Crunch, global pandemics, Don’t Look Up, Late Night in Lyons, and “Yummy” by Justin Bieber, you are going to do great things in your four (or less) years here. 

Yes, there might be a garbage patch that is literally bigger than Texas, the state that’s claim to fame is being big, floating out there in the ocean. Temperatures might be in the billions in the Arctic. Everyone might have a terrible headache. But you never know, there’s always a chance, right?

Baby Eags, there is a slight chance your innocent eyes will soak in Chestnut Hill next year.  One can just hope that dear sweet Newton Campus is not impacted by the rising sea levels. But, you might want to warm up to the thought of leaving this world with only a high school diploma to your name. 

Anyway, make sure to take advantage of the Theology core early. Maybe some higher power will help us out?