Boston College senior Al Cohall (MCAS ‘16) celebrated this morning after his fake ID, which he ordered with old friends the second week of freshman year, finally arrived in the mail. Cohall, a native of Altoona, Pennsylvania, ordered the Connecticut driver’s license to be sent to his Keyes North room... Read more
After Raising $1.5 Billion, Leahy Still Waiting for a Couple Assholes to Venmo Him
JesuitsOld Articles January 19, 2016
ST. MARY’S HALL—Boston College made fundraising history this week with the completion of its “Light The World” campaign, successfully pulling in $1.5 billion dollars (a stunning 4% of Harvard’s endowment). Unfortunately, Fr. William P. Leahy, SJ is dissatisfied with the effort and reportedly still waiting for “a couple asshole... Read more
“A university is a business, and an expensive one at that. Drill, baby, drill!”
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University Counseling Services Offering Thanksgiving Break-Up Hotline
Old ArticlesSexStudent Life November 25, 2015
GASSON HALL — Acutely aware that it’s a perilous time of year for many doe-eyed freshmen still clinging onto their long-distance relationships with high school sweethearts, Boston College’s University Counseling Services is offering a 24/7 hotline open from November 25th until November 29th for any first-year student that may... Read more
Students, Clocks Become One During 48 Hours
FreshmenOld ArticlesStudent Life November 24, 2015
NEWPORT, RI — Nestled among the scenic shops and mansions of Newport, Rhode Island, freshmen and senior mentors recently spent 48 Hours becoming one with the passage of time. The two-day retreat opened with the first hour, reported students. Then the next few hours passed. Students noted they initially... Read more
Notre Dame Struggling to Find Single-Sex Hotel in Boston
Old ArticlesSex November 19, 2015
FENWAY — Ranked 5th in the country and boasting a 9-1 record, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish are having an outstanding football season. Most sportscasters have Notre Dame crushing the Boston College Eagles in their upcoming matchup on the hallowed grounds of Fenway Park. Unfortunately, the boys from South... Read more
Professor Alludes To Weekend In Hopes That Students Will Ask What He Did
Old ArticlesSchool November 17, 2015
FULTON HALL — In an effort to connect with his students, Computers in Management professor Radnor Kirkwood started out his 10:30AM class a little differently Tuesday morning. Kirkwood, reportedly starting class at 10:31 to show his “relaxed and laid-back side,” began class with a question: “How was everyone’s weekend?”... Read more
Facebook Adds New Relationship Option For College Thing Stuck Helplessly Between Dating And Hooking Up
Old Articles November 15, 2015
SILICON VALLEY — At a press conference earlier this afternoon, Mark Zuckerberg announced that Facebook would be “addressing the changing romantic needs of its valued collegiate users” by adding the options for college couples—sorry, didn’t mean to put a label on it—to select “College Thing Hopelessly Stuck Between Dating and... Read more
BC To Implement Safe Space for Conservative Students
Old ArticlesStudent Life November 12, 2015
REAL AMERICA — Much to the dismay campus conservatives, “PC Culture” has been plaguing colleges across the country, most recently at Yale. This sea change in campus climate has brought tense discussions on privilege, race, gender, sexual preference and identity, and socioeconomic brackets to the forefront of the national... Read more
Chestnut Hill, MA — The United States has a long and proud history of conspiracy theories: Tupac is still alive. The government faked the 1969 Apollo moon landing. The IRS tells the truth. For Boston College Eagles, one recent conspiracy theory hits close to home: A group calling themselves W.A.F.F.L.E... Read more