The New England Classic
Report: Skipping Class Not Even Fun Anymore
CHESTNUT HILL— According to recent data, an alarming new trend has established itself in the undergraduate community at Boston College: skipping class is reportedly “like, really not even that fun anymore.”  Brian Dead (MCAS ’22) told The Classic, “I was watching this movie the other day and these really... Read more
New Narcissus? This Kid Pins His Own Video
LOWER CAMPUS — Sources say a Boston College student has fallen in love with his own reflection after learning that Zoom allows users to “pin” their videos during meetings. “Who is that guy?” said Hugh Jeego (CSOM ’22) to himself in a virtual interview with The Classic. “He has... Read more
Roommate Who Spent Break In Miami Disappointed By University’s COVID Response
WALSH HALL — As the Spring semester kicks off, many students have expressed concerns regarding the administration’s strategy to keep COVID numbers low.  “As someone who spent all summer spreading awareness about the pandemic, I just hope that Boston College will continue to take it seriously,” Said Sue Perspreader... Read more
COVID Cases Spike After UGBC Distributes Identical Water Bottles
CONTE FORUM — Following students’ return to campus for the Spring 2021 semester, the Undergraduate Government of Boston College came under fire this week with the recent spike in undergraduate COVID-19 cases becoming increasingly linked to the governing body’s mass distribution of identical water bottles. In what many are... Read more
Opinion: Strip Mod Must Go On, Even If It’s a Private Little Show Just For Me
Throughout the fall semester, far too many beloved Boston College traditions have been postponed, doomed to rot on the shelf until further notice. But if I could make a plea to ensure one tradition continues this semester, it would be this: Strip Mod must go on, even if it’s... Read more
Student Body Flips On Thanksgiving Poll: “We No Longer Ever Wish To Go Home”
SERVICES.BC.EDU — In a shocking last-minute push, Boston College students overwhelmingly reversed course on the Thanksgiving ultimatum that the University posed to them in late October. While projections from the Associated Press initially showed that, as of Monday, a majority of students planned to go home, the fallout from... Read more
Freshman Blissfully Unaware Her Weekends Probably Would Have Looked Like This Anyway

“If there was no virus going around, me and the girls would be having the craziest weekend of all time.”

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Fuckboy Would Date You If It Weren’t For “Everything Going on Right Now”

“Marley later clarified that he does not believe COVID-19 will impact his ability to hook up with you, just his emotional availability. As Boston College cracked down on the number of guests allowed in each place of residence, Marley felt it was only right to enforce a strict no-sleepover policy at his place starting Saturday. “

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Welles Crowther 5K To Be Held Over Wii Fit

The run’s organizers are also taking aggressive steps to prevent runners from simply shaking the Wiimote up and down. All participants are required to install Proctorio, the test-proctoring software, onto the Wii that they will be using, which will track their movements using the Wii’s sensor bar.

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Rats in Walsh Lose Housing For Being in 8-Man Without Mask

“According to the report, all eight indicted inhabitants of the room were inside, along with ten other guests. Everybody present was described as being a ‘small-to-medium sized rodent with brown fur.’ No member of either party was a BC student, nor were they properly equipped with masks.”

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