The New England Classic
Fr. Leahy To Offer Exorcisms To The Sick

“I didn’t end up having the virus, but just like the Four Loko, that shit cleaned me out. Lots of stuff resurfaced—turns out Jesus and I have a couple of things in common, like mad daddy issues.”

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Lochhead Flies To Canada As Positive Cases Increase
LOGAN AIRPORT — In the midst of a sharp increase in COVID cases on the Boston College campus, Executive Vice President Michael Lochhead was seen boarding a flight to Toronto late Thursday night.  Lochhead has been responsible for many of the COVID-related emails sent to students, including those which... Read more
Massachusetts To Use BC’s Gym Reservation Software To Schedule Vaccines

“Working in conjunction with our partners in Chestnut Hill, the Massachusetts Department of Public Health will be providing the remaining doses of both the Moderna and the Pfizer COVID vaccines throughout the state using this newly revamped, state of the art scheduling infrastructure,” Baker announced.

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Report: Skipping Class Not Even Fun Anymore
CHESTNUT HILL— According to recent data, an alarming new trend has established itself in the undergraduate community at Boston College: skipping class is reportedly “like, really not even that fun anymore.”  Brian Dead (MCAS ’22) told The Classic, “I was watching this movie the other day and these really... Read more
New Narcissus? This Kid Pins His Own Video
LOWER CAMPUS — Sources say a Boston College student has fallen in love with his own reflection after learning that Zoom allows users to “pin” their videos during meetings. “Who is that guy?” said Hugh Jeego (CSOM ’22) to himself in a virtual interview with The Classic. “He has... Read more
Roommate Who Spent Break In Miami Disappointed By University’s COVID Response
WALSH HALL — As the Spring semester kicks off, many students have expressed concerns regarding the administration’s strategy to keep COVID numbers low.  “As someone who spent all summer spreading awareness about the pandemic, I just hope that Boston College will continue to take it seriously,” Said Sue Perspreader... Read more
COVID Cases Spike After UGBC Distributes Identical Water Bottles
CONTE FORUM — Following students’ return to campus for the Spring 2021 semester, the Undergraduate Government of Boston College came under fire this week with the recent spike in undergraduate COVID-19 cases becoming increasingly linked to the governing body’s mass distribution of identical water bottles. In what many are... Read more
Opinion: Strip Mod Must Go On, Even If It’s a Private Little Show Just For Me
Throughout the fall semester, far too many beloved Boston College traditions have been postponed, doomed to rot on the shelf until further notice. But if I could make a plea to ensure one tradition continues this semester, it would be this: Strip Mod must go on, even if it’s... Read more
Student Body Flips On Thanksgiving Poll: “We No Longer Ever Wish To Go Home”
SERVICES.BC.EDU — In a shocking last-minute push, Boston College students overwhelmingly reversed course on the Thanksgiving ultimatum that the University posed to them in late October. While projections from the Associated Press initially showed that, as of Monday, a majority of students planned to go home, the fallout from... Read more
Freshman Blissfully Unaware Her Weekends Probably Would Have Looked Like This Anyway

“If there was no virus going around, me and the girls would be having the craziest weekend of all time.”

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