Will Smith’s Hat-trick Attributed To Teammate Ambrosio’s Hat Tricks
Campus CultureSports March 26, 2024
The Classic was deeply touched to learn that the reasoning behind the Eagle’s win was admiration for a hat enthusiast’s magic tricks and not the multiple first-round draft picks BC has on its roster.
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Thank God! My Acapella Roommate Is On Vocal Rest This Weekend
Campus CultureStudent Life March 21, 2024
You heard that right, vocal rest. A whole day prior to their performance where every team member must protect their vocal chords by shutting the fuck up!
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I’m T-Pain, you know me! What’s your name? Let me talk to ‘em!
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At the end of the day are we not just serving ourselves? I over serve myself in alcohol and you over serve yourself in the reception of gratitude and acknowledgement, are we both not drunk?
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Freshman Failing Lit Core Claims Taylor Swift’s “The Tortured Poets Department” Is “Literally Her”
Campus CultureFreshmenStudent LifeUncategorized February 19, 2024
‘Well, Travis obviously inspired a lot on the album. I feel the same inspiration for my Insta stories from my boyfriend, Noah. He was a second string quarterback in high school, so… we get it.’
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However, the Classic has come across an exclusive list of the tasks required for students to get their grubby little mitts on some highly-coveted tickets to the big game.
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Chocolate Bar Introduces Screens To Entertain Impatient iPad Kids
Campus CultureStudent LifeWTF January 25, 2024
At press time, drooling students were seen gathering in a concert-sized crowd as the lead student completed an extremely difficult level of Geometry Dash — with a hydraulic press video in the background.
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“We’re Just Like Taylor And Travis” Says Acapella Lead And Her Club Golf Boyfriend
Campus CultureSportsStudent Life November 16, 2023
“’Karma is the guy on the Green, golfing straight home to me.’”
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BREAKING: Part Two of THE PATH Revealed
Big IssuesCampus CultureDrinking November 10, 2023
Sure, you might have seen the first page of #THEPATH, which includes things like the Eagles having to win out the league and Virginia having to beat Louisville in the games this weekend, but little did readers know that there was an entire second side of #THEPATH.
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Shrouded in the mystique of do-goodery and philanthropy, these “arrupites,” as The Classic calls them, greet hungry students with puppy eyes, outstretched palms, and wide open pockets. Arrupe is their name and greed is their game.
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