Following Federal Government Shutdown, UGBC Vows To Continue Doing Absolutely Nothing
Big IssuesCampus Culture October 10, 2025
“Following the suit of our effective federal government,” said Munnyin Pockets (CSOM ‘28), “…We want to reassure the student body that our unique ability to accomplish absolutely nothing of substance will continue as usual.”
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Eagle Escort Now Offering Complimentary Catcalling Services
Campus CultureSchoolStudent LifeWTF October 2, 2025
Previously only used as a transportation service for injured or otherwise disabled students on campus, Eagle Escort will now be offering what BCPD is calling “mobile mood boosters.”
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With our Eagles shitting the bed every week, all anyone wants is some hot bunny action.
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Oh No! Dad Plans To Paint Himself In Maroon And Gold For Parents Weekend Game
BOBCampus CultureWTF September 27, 2025
When questioned by the Classic, Fied said this was not, in fact, a philosophical question. Just this morning, his Dad bought the entire shelf of body paint at their local Home Depot with plans to “strip down (ALL the way), lather up, and show his Boston College spirit.”
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LTE: Do I Have To Sleep With This Jesuit After Our Third Coffee Date?
Campus CultureJesuitsSex September 24, 2025
I am worried that underneath that tight, all-black outfit is a yearning body expecting to get down and dirty in the confessional after our third cup of joe together.
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Fitz And The Tantrums! Why Is My Ex Situationship Playing Stokes Set?
Campus CultureDorm StuffStudent Life September 19, 2025
When asked what he thought about the Campus Activities Board’s choice of performers, Cha shared with the Classic these valuable insights: “I think it’s kind of weird that CAB would ask that chick I hooked up with a few times last year to perform. At least that’s what I think Fitz and the Tantrums is?”
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LTE: Help! My Resident Minister Offered Me Her Cookie!
Campus CultureJesuitsSexWTF September 18, 2025
That’s when my problem began. I was taking the Walsh elevator to the third floor when I found myself trapped with the resident minister. I tried to avoid her by playing with my COC (clash of clans) but, apparently, she took that to mean something else.
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BC Administration Cuts Office Of Sustainability To Make Room For Office of War
Campus CultureJesuitsLeahyStudent Life September 11, 2025
At the start of this year, the Boston College administration downsized the Office of Sustainability from one non-student employee to zero, leaving students and faculty wondering: “What’s next?” and “Shit, shit… shit?” The administration responded to calls for an explanation by announcing their grand opening of the Office of War. The announcement marks the beginning of an exciting chapter in BC’s history of imperial expansion.
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Freshmen Don’t Want Your Friendship, They Want Your Vote
Campus CultureFreshmenStudent Life September 10, 2025
The Boston College Class of 2029 is now running for UGBC Senate! They moved past wanting you as a bus buddy, and are now focused on their Senate campaign to “invest in their future” as a future partner of their dad’s law firm. Tactics to win the freshmen vote include holding up QR codes in front of lost-looking individuals near Walsh or the Mods, as well as posing as bouncers at Two Saints where they take fake IDs, collect $20 to cut the line, and snag their vote!
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Campus Rec Reports Sauna Overcrowding As Students Prepare For Sweaty Parties
Campus CultureDrinkingWTF September 5, 2025
The Classic spoke to some of the women in line, asking them why they would be willing to wait for so long just for a sauna? They all responded similarly, saying that they needed to be ready for the weekend.
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