The New England Classic
CSOM Announces New “Pay-For-Grade” Initiative
THE BEAN COUNTER — Small men in suits with shoulders that extend just a little too far for the men to fill out mill about, lounging. Another sect of students is adorned in Vineyard Vines, docksiders, and an array of business casual shorts in all manner of pastels. They... Read more
“Can Someone Call the Uber?,” Asks Friend Who Never Calls the Uber
VANDERSLICE PARKING LOT — Before departing to enjoy a dinner out with her friends at Tavern in the Square, junior Alex Solomon (CSOM ’22) was heard asking if someone could “call the Uber” to the local Brighton restaurant, despite several reports from her friends that Solomon has not once... Read more
BC Dining Unveils Thanksgiving Menu — “It’s Just Rice.”

Much like this year’s forbidden Thanksgiving gatherings nationwide, dinner on The Heights will be bland, tough to swallow, and overwhelmingly white. 

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Five Things to Convert Your Friend’s Room Into After They Leave for Break

The number one request of all Boston College students from 2005-2019 has been more meat lockers available to undergrads.

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Red Bandana Game Canceled Amid Covid Concerns; BC Schedules Two 9/11s For 2021

“To create a more equitable situation, as well as make up for lost revenue, BC will simply schedule two 9/11s for the 2021/22 football season.

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Five Things To Talk About Now That The Election Is Over, And They’re All The Rat Line
1) The Rat Line I mean, Jesus Christ. The Rat used to MEAN SOMETHING, for pete’s sake. Remind your friends and loved ones how miserable a metaphor the Rat has become for our whole new way of life. The Rat is, as it has always been, the center of... Read more
Six Polite Ways To Get Your Roommates To Stop Listening To Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving

“Have your roommates already started listening to Christmas music? If you answered ‘yes’ or ‘possibly’ or ‘I CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT ENOUGH TO READ THIS BECAUSE THAT CATCHY SNOWMISER/HEATMISER SONG FROM The Year Without a Santa Claus IS ALREADY STUCK IN MY HEAD,’ we have you covered with six polite ways to get your roommates to stop playing Christmas music so early.”

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10 Nasty Things About Jeff Hafley That We Just Made Up
THE NEC NEWSROOM, ONTARIO, CANADA — Now folks, if we may, we’d like to be straight with you for a moment. Here at The New England Classic, we’ve made a killing on the gaffes Boston College’s top people make each day. But god damn it, we just can’t find... Read more
OP-ED: A Perfectly Normal Tuesday
Well, I can’t seem to explain it really — compared to the commotion of most others days so far, today’s shaping up to be about as perfectly ordinary as it gets. Perhaps I should elaborate. My alarm went off at seven, as it usually does. I snoozed it just... Read more
Spooky: Roommate Seriously Considering Sexy RBG Costume
WALSH HALL — Recent reports from multiple Walsh residents have confirmed that local roommate and VSCO girl Sarah Sleshinger was seriously considering a “sexy RBG” costume for this Halloween. The costume, consisting of only the little white collar-thing and a gavel in the shape of a penis, was purchased... Read more