The New England Classic
Mudstock Mud Replaced With Broken Glass

“In previous years, we’ve gone for a 50% mud, 50% glass approach”, said CAB Treasurer Lemmy C. Themdogs (MCAS ’23). “It helped to cut costs, but clearly it didn’t help to cut feet. At least not enough for our standards.”

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10 Lies To Tell Your SAP Tour To Totally Bamboozle Them

During spring, you can catch representatives from the Student Admission Program (SAP) in their natural habitat, leading herds of wild visitors through campus. Out of the many opportunities for false promises and misleading exaggerations, here are The New England Classic’s top 10 to tell your tour group.

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CSOM Students Search “What’s Going On In Ukraine Right Now” Following Commencement Speaker Announcement

However, one quick google search informed Owt that Ukraine is in fact not a new peer-to-peer lending platform, but rather a nation state that is being viciously and unjustly invaded by neighboring Russia.

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Pfft… Only 26.2 Miles? This Student Walked Across The Country To Boston College

“It’s a been there, done that situation. If you climbed Mount Everest, would you be dying to show people that you can climb some stairs? Not really.”

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Reminiscing Alumnus Caught Alone In Alumni Stadium

“Dude, those were the glory days” Unny told the Classic. “I just love coming back to campus and this stadium and being reminded of how I was the literal man in my four epic years here. Plus, I’m an alumni. My name is literally on the building, so I’m gonna reminisce whenever I want, even if that’s every weeknight.”

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Wow! This Man Knows Words Like “Interdisciplinary” But Not “Sorry”

Prestigious liberal arts institutions seem to function as a breeding ground for these unfortunate creatures. At these institutions, men learn lots of words, and even remember some of them too! However, they consistently use these words in lieu of the simple 2 syllable option “sorry.”

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8-Man Gives Up Slurs For Lent

“We just thought, you know, this was the year to really take our faith seriously,” said Big Ette (CSOM ’25). “So, yeah, we’re Catholic and proud and we aren’t saying ANY slurs except the f-slur out of devotion to our faith.”

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Slimiest Guy You Know Works For Eagles Realty Now
MCELROY COMMONS– In today’s modern labor market, the true “9-5” may be going out of business. Replacing it are a slew of recently popularized streams of passive income. Students at BC are determined to not be left behind in the obsolete 9-5 world, and are constantly looking for ways... Read more
Rampant Misogynist Says You Can’t Come To Super Bowl Watch Party To Only Watch Commercials

“It’s fun to have some eye candy in the room,” said Ist when interviewed by the Classic about his evening gathering. “I just don’t want them yapping about the commercials the entire time. I’m from Philly, so it’s a big night for me.” Hist, who has been described by his girl friends as “tone deaf,” and “insulting,” hails from Wilmington, Delaware. 

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Spring Break Planning Uncovers That No One In The Friend Group Actually Likes Each Other

Through the thin walls of Walsh Hall, sophomores chatter about roommate preferences, expenses, and location possibilities. Though in theory it is an exciting time, it isn’t looking too pretty for the groups we spoke with.

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