The New England Classic
Slimiest Guy You Know Works For Eagles Realty Now
MCELROY COMMONS– In today’s modern labor market, the true “9-5” may be going out of business. Replacing it are a slew of recently popularized streams of passive income. Students at BC are determined to not be left behind in the obsolete 9-5 world, and are constantly looking for ways... Read more
Rampant Misogynist Says You Can’t Come To Super Bowl Watch Party To Only Watch Commercials

“It’s fun to have some eye candy in the room,” said Ist when interviewed by the Classic about his evening gathering. “I just don’t want them yapping about the commercials the entire time. I’m from Philly, so it’s a big night for me.” Hist, who has been described by his girl friends as “tone deaf,” and “insulting,” hails from Wilmington, Delaware. 

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Spring Break Planning Uncovers That No One In The Friend Group Actually Likes Each Other

Through the thin walls of Walsh Hall, sophomores chatter about roommate preferences, expenses, and location possibilities. Though in theory it is an exciting time, it isn’t looking too pretty for the groups we spoke with.

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Gasson Exhibiting Signs Of Napoleon Complex After Arrival Of Much Taller Crane

“That big ole nerd? He stink. Nobody like crane,” replied Gasson in a clear exhibition of its newly developed Napoleon complex.

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Pick Me Guy Walks Into Friendsgiving, Says “Where My Thanks At”

The latest showing of Latz’s pick me tendencies came Saturday night when he showed up five minutes late to his upstairs neighbors’ Friendsgiving dinner and began asking every person at the function, “Where my thanks at?”

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Receipt Reveals That Student Actually Did Order A Side Of Bug
MCELROY COMMONS — Public scrutiny of Boston College Dining Services (BCDS) is higher than ever after student Damie J’Ambra (MCAS ’25) found a giant black bug in their meal. After a photo of the bug was published and quickly became viral on Monday, many students were questioning what BCDS... Read more
Due To Warm Weather, UCS Starts Support Group For Canada Goose Owners

“This warm weather has gotten really concerning lately,” said Sue Warm (CSOM ’25). “It shouldn’t be 65 degrees in November– it’s just not natural. We are biologically inclined to be wearing our Canada Goose jackets at this time of the year. Repressing this instinct is making us all feel super depressed. I’m so depressed, I’ve only been using Olaplex steps 3-5. I’m too depressed to even use steps 6-9.”

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Guy Who Hates Christmas Ready To Make It His Whole Personality

Neighbor Holly Day (LSOE ’23) said, “My roommates and I were just enjoying our evening, stringing lights in the living room, when all of a sudden there was a deafening knock on the door. When I opened the door, I was greeted by a fervent noise complaint from an angry man in a nightcap who looked like he could have been either 22 or 82.”

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SPOOKY: Blandest Person You Know Going As Maddy From Euphoria For Halloween

One young avant-garde, Mary Muhndane (MCAS ’25), was blessed with a stroke of genius with the most original idea to go as Maddy from the little-watched trauma porn, I mean show, Euphoria, on HBO.

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Game Of Thrones Spin-Off “House Of Roncastle” Coming To HBO In Spring 2023

House of Roncastle is to be a 10-episode-long tale of the illustrious Roncalli Hall, a safe haven for neglected and worthless sophomores of Boston College.

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