The New England Classic
Student Takes Break From The Grind To Remind Social Media Followers The Grind Never Stops
O’NEILL LIBRARY — After waking up early to secure a desk cubicle on the fourth floor of O’Neill Library, Andrea Thompson (MCAS ’21) took a break from studying for her Introduction to Genomics final exam to upload a post to her Instagram story reminding her followers that “The Grind... Read more
Tornado Slams Into Carney, Causes $10 Million Worth Of Improvements
CARNEY HALL – This year’s unseasonable weather took another unexpected turn on Saturday as a tornado touched down on campus, curiously targeting only Carney Hall. However, the value of the land actually increased despite the fact that the entire structure was destroyed. This orphanage of arts and sciences bastard... Read more
Fucking Idiot Who Didn’t Lock The Door To The One-Person Bathroom Deserved To Be Walked In On
O’NEILL LIBRARY — Following a drawn-out investigation, the Boston College Board of Student Conduct deemed that Jared O’Ryan (CSOM ’23) deserved to be walked in on after neglecting to lock the door to the one-person bathroom in O’Neill Library. O’Ryan, no longer a “newbie” on campus having been here... Read more
Student Services: “Pee After Registration Or You’ll Get A UIS”
For more tips and tricks, read our print issue this December. Read more
New Study Finds 32% of Freshmen Lose Virginity While Wearing Agape Latte Shirt

Boston College Sex Freshmen

Read more
Spooky! Jake Celebrating Halloween By Ghosting You
UNKNOWN LOCATION — Despite your Snapchat streak, double texts, and dinner dates at Lower over the past month, Jake Miller (CSOM ’21) has reportedly decided to embrace the Halloween spirit this year by ghosting you.  While most celebrate the holiday by carving pumpkins, dressing up, and watching horror movies,... Read more
Are You A Friend Of The Good, A Friend Of Utility, Or That Friend Who Is The Funny One Of The Group But Uses Humor To Mask The Absence Of Real Connection With Your Friends And Who Often Feels Like You Lack A Core Group Of Your Own People?
Campus VSCO Girls Successfully Unionize
O’NEILL PLAZA — Seeking a unified representative body and the right to collectively bargain with outside parties, Boston College’s VSCO community announced on Tuesday the successful filing and formation of a union under University oversight. Citing multiple cases of intellectual theft by a number of anonymous Boston College students,... Read more
BC Bookstore Announces Jerry York Coffin Collection
McELROY COMMONS — Capitalizing on the success of the Martin Jarmond clothing collection, the Boston College Bookstore unveiled its new “Jerry York Coffins” earlier this week.  When asked for comment, Bookstore officials said the move was a no-brainer. “We know what the BC community wants,” said Bookstore manager William... Read more
SAP Releases Fake “Community Map,” Claims Newton Campus Is Part Of The BC Community
DEVLIN HALL — The Student Admissions Program (SAP) came under fire Tuesday afternoon after a controversial press release stating Newton Campus is actually within the bounds of Main Campus.  The release added that students on Newton could be assured that they would have an authentic experience of Chestnut Hill... Read more