Campus Culture Archives | Page 2 of 20 | The New England Classic

CSOM Student Forced To Withdrawal From “Introduction To Feminisms” After Stating Pronouns Are U/S/A

Campus Culture February 18, 2025

“‘Pronouns? Like a person, place, or thing? Oh yeah, I’ve got those nouns. They’re U/S/A actually,’ said Anizer while subtly flexing his straight-from-the-plex bicep pump.”

10 Questions The Marriage Pact Missed

Campus Culture Lists Sex January 30, 2025

“The Classic set out to research: How can we make the Marriage Pact even more accurate? The following are additional questions that would guarantee 100% matches for all students across campus.”

Theater Kid Friend Could’ve Gone Broadway If He Hadn’t Torn His ACL

Campus Culture Featured Student Life January 29, 2025

Alas, one fateful day during his senior year production of SpongeBob: The Musical, Threat’s Broadway dreams were shattered when he broke a leg slipping on an unfortunately placed banana peel during final dress rehearsals.

“Cultured” Students Return From Abroad: Campus Pickpocketing At A High

Abroad Campus Culture January 14, 2025

For those who stayed on campus in the Fall semester, get ready to lose your sanity hearing your acquaintance gab about their “eye-opening experiences”, along with maybe losing your wallet in your backpack when around them.

An Overdue Celebration: Happy Men’s Week from The New England Classic!

Campus Culture Student Life November 15, 2024

Drink some beer. Cheat on your girlfriend. Call your mom a bitch. Eat some raw meat. Shoot a gun. Ball out. Go fucking crazy. This week is for us. Let’s bring back manly men.

Liz Cheney Found Searching Through Upper Dorms, Claims To Find Weapons of Mass Destruction

Big Issues Campus Culture WTF October 28, 2024

WHEREVER THE OIL IS — Former U.S. Representative Liz Cheney is set to speak at the Council for Women at Boston College Colloquium as part of her national tour to make everyone forget the actions of her father, aptly named former Vice President of the United States and Emperor-elect... Read more

Yikes! My Priest Is Texting On The Other Side Of The Confessional

Campus Culture Jesuits Leahy Student Life October 23, 2024

“While most priests hold this as one of their highest duties to God, some priests like to get a little wacky after a few too many sips of Christ blood.”

LTE: Who Put Me In Charge Of Coordinating Fall Break For Every College Ever

Campus Culture Holidays LTE October 17, 2024

If it weren’t for me, you fuckers wouldn’t be watching a Morgan Wallen cosplayer at a bar in Nashville.

Every Gated Community In NY Represented In “Diverse” Class Discussion

Big Issues Campus Culture School October 10, 2024

“What makes us different is what makes us special,” said Shell Turd (CSOM ’28). “I’ve met people from all over the place. I’ve met kids from Oakwood Heights, Pinebridge Estates, Elmton Ranch, and even Maplesden Village all the way out in Westchester!”

LTE: Service Club Rejected Me, Now I’m Never Helping Anyone

Campus Culture LTE Service October 1, 2024

I, a self-proclaimed servant for others, feel the time has come to address the service COC (crisis on campus). I have recently received word from various on-campus service organizations that my applications have been “enthusiastically yet apologetically redirected,” AKA — rejected.