The New England Classic
WOAH! Boy Legs!
THAT FIELD ON THE PLEX GRAVEYARD — The student body of Boston College has been positively feral recently. With relatively warm temperatures, sunny blue skies, and seemingly unlimited access to lawn games, everyone has been taking advantage of the changing of the seasons. The peak of this excitement occurred... Read more
MUN Roommate Needs You To Be Quiet So That They Can Launch A Missile

“I was the one who got to announce that the projectiles had entered foreign airspace, so I really just needed the dorm quiet for a hot minute.”

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LTE: I Paid For This Mulch So I Am Taking Some Just For Me

When the mounds of mulch arrive on campus, I know it from a mile away. And I take some. In my hand, to my house. Just for me.

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Dr. Douglas Comeau Can’t Get Enough Of My Sweet, Sweet Nostrils (I Got Called Twice This Week)
CONNELL RECREATION CENTER — Sunday at midnight. That glorious, soaking wet time when a large portion of Boston College students get their highly-anticipated weekly COVID test email. This week went by like any other: I logged onto Zoom for “class”, spread my usual pathogens, and spent at least an... Read more
The Sun Puts University Counseling Services Out Of Business

“I’ll be honest, when we looked at the forecast for the next two weeks, we knew we were fucked,” said UCS chairperson Dr. Sigmund Noid. “High temperatures, blue skies, and Danny brought spikeball? It’s a psychiatrist’s nightmare!”

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Bookstore Sends Official Statement On 1919 Anglo-Irish War, Also A 25% Off Coupon On A Hat
BOSTON COLLEGE BOOKSTORE — This week, the Boston College Bookstore broke a longstanding precedent of apolitical neutrality when they released an official statement on the clash between Irish Republicans and the British Government, which ended nearly 100 years ago, in their routine email blast to the student body. The... Read more
Report: Skipping Class Not Even Fun Anymore
CHESTNUT HILL— According to recent data, an alarming new trend has established itself in the undergraduate community at Boston College: skipping class is reportedly “like, really not even that fun anymore.”  Brian Dead (MCAS ’22) told The Classic, “I was watching this movie the other day and these really... Read more
UGBC To Hold Impeachment Trial by Slapbox

Students have demonstrated overwhelming support for the process, citing it as “the most productive UGBC has ever been.”

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CAB Holds Presidents’ Day Mattress Sale
CARNEY HALL — Campus Activities Board (CAB) kept in the holiday spirit Sunday when they announced their latest half-assed promotion, a Presidents’ Day mattress sale. The news comes on the heels of another thoroughly underwhelming matchmaking survey and weeks of similarly stale events thrown together by the club. The... Read more
Newton Student Misses Carpool

“‘So sad. I simply could not imagine being dropped off for college by a yellow school bus. It’s just so embarrassing,’ said John Fitzgerald (CSON ‘24), who was later seen struggling to open the sliding door of his mom’s minivan.”

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