The New England Classic
LTE
LTE: We’re “Two Friends,” But I Want To Be More Than Friends

When Friend #1 and I first started this journey, we really were just friends, but something slowly started to change. I always think of those early days in college remixing God’s Plan by Drake and Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac, standing so close we were practically sharing the same breath. We were two friends but one body working perfectly in unison.

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LTE: Help! I Got Auto-Enrolled Into A One Seat Sex-Ed Class

Instead of landing a decent class with a fine ahh class crush to study on/with, I ended up in RUUP6900: ‘A Deep Dive Into What That Mouth Do’ with professor Pred Adore. Having never heard of this class or professor before, I tried looking him up on the agora registration portal, only for his name to show up on a different kind of registry.

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LTE: I Think My RA Confiscated My Dildo During Room Checks…

I lifted my head to the ceiling, praying to whoever was listening to bring my baby back to me. And then, as if God himself heard my plea, I saw him floating across the student section.

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LTE: I Think My Communications Student Wants To Show Me Her ‘Oral Skills’

When I suggested she may not be comms major material, she said “just wait ‘til I show you my oral skills.” I was incredibly taken aback; I was unsure whether she was referring to the art of public speaking or the act of ‘throwing neck.’ Per the syllabus, we do not cover public speaking until after Fall Break. 

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LTE: Is Anyone Else’s 4Boston Placement Just Some Guy?

This is when things started to get uncomfortable, and he told me my service placement was “some guy named Phil” to whom I was only meant to call Papa P. I was then instructed to wear an Urban Outfitters corset to my service day, and was given a one way Charlie Card that only worked for the red line. I didn’t even know that they made those, but I guess I am just a small town girl…

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LTE: I’m The Fountain Outside Of Gasson Hall, And I Gave Up Water For Lent

“I am a fountain that doesn’t even have fucking water in it. It was a stupid thing to give up water for Lent. I only did it because Fr. Leahy told me that if I wanted to stay on this Jesuit campus I had to engage with my faith more.”

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LTE: Why Is My “Hookup” Showing Me His Track Highlights?

It started out over our bond for our shared love of running. Yes, he is on the BC Track Team. Yes, I only run when Two Saints gets raided, but I was honestly willing to commit to the bit for the dick.

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Letter To Thy Editor: Yes I Support Satan, Have You Seen Hell’s Economy?

Some support the omniscient and most holy God’s infallible plan for existence. However, they fail to consider the impact on tithes. Why is it that a hard-working king who took the risk to employ hundreds of serfs on his father’s land should be tithed more?

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LTE: I’m A Woman, I Would’ve Voted For Harris If She Taxed DJ Equipment And Podcast Microphones

He is making podcasting too expensive for your broke, bummy boyfriends who haven’t had jobs since they got fired from the dispensary they worked at for two weeks! That should be celebrated as a win for feminism!

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LTE: Dear BC Republicans, We Called You Short, Fat, And Ugly With Grubby Little Rat Hands, Not Racist

However, we, as BC students, will not stand with the lies that you posted in your op-ed. We said you were “short, fat, and ugly with grubby little rat hands.” We never called you racist.

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