LTE: I’m A Woman, I Would’ve Voted For Harris If She Taxed DJ Equipment And Podcast Microphones

Dear The New England Classic,

I’m a woman. And, yeah, I didn’t vote for Kamala Harris.

Some white, liberal, self-proclaimed leftist, tote-bag-wearing men might say, “Wow! You are NOT a feminist. How could you vote for a sexist, ugly, ugly man? Are you Moo Deng, seemingly cute and moist but secretly a woman hater? That’s not very girlboss brat pussy pop slay of you. Do you hate women?”

The post-ironic mullet-havers would then clarify, saying, “Bee tee dubs, I don’t hate women. I stand with you, though I might not understand what you are going through.”

To that, I say, you performative fools. You act as though you support women’s rights and the fundamental issues that concern women, but you haven’t a clue about what women actually want. (Typical men!) I mean, I would’ve voted for Harris if she taxed DJ equipment and podcast microphones. But she didn’t.

Forty-three percent of women voted to tax podcast microphones and DJ equipment, and that is a step in the right direction for the state of protecting women in this country from the slew of male-led podcasts. The polls show that. They speak for me.

Did you know that Joe Rogan’s podcast microphone is a Shure SM7B Vocal Dynamic? Did you know that those are manufactured in Mexico? And do you know what Trump is trying to do with tariffs and taxes on imported goods? That’s right, it raises the prices back at home in the good ol’ US of A.

Trump is obviously trying to protect women by imposing tariffs on imported goods, and that speaks volumes about his character and how he plans to support women during his presidency. He is making podcasting too expensive for your broke, bummy boyfriends who haven’t had jobs since they got fired from the dispensary they worked at for two weeks! That should be celebrated as a win for feminism! Never mind the laws about abortion restriction and terrifying rhetoric surrounding women he’s used throughout his life and campaign. This is what actually matters to your mothers, sisters, cousins, and second aunts once removed.

Do you know what else is an imported good? DJ equipment. That’s right, made in Japan. Or sometimes China. Either way, imported goods! No more DJs! Or at least, a lot fewer DJs in future generations. America is on the right track.  

As someone who has dealt with men DJs in the past, let me clarify just how terrifying they can be for the well-being of women’s health. They never have toilet paper in their bathrooms. They make you watch their DJ set while they get high and eat Cheez-Its. They are bad at it. They have been plaguing the nation for far too long, and Harris just doesn’t care about it. 

This, personally, was a huge concern of mine, and thus I voted for the candidate who would eliminate all forms of creative expression from men. I know Trump is a true warrior for women’s rights. 

So, before you crucify me or stone me to death, maybe consider that women are not just a demographic vote and that we too have our own ideas, opinions, and issues that matter to us; not that anyone has ever done that ever in America, but worth the shot to the editor.

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