Noble Students Embarking On Personal Service Trips Over Spring Break
LOGAN AIRPORT — With adulthood looming just around the corner, many of Boston College’s seniors plan to spend their Spring Breaks on “personal service trips” to Punta Cana. Sources confirm that seniors embark on these weeklong trips as a last-ditch effort to adhere to the traditional college experience. These heroic Eagles plan on pushing their bodies to their physical and spiritual limits over the weeklong journey, promising to take full advantage of all-you-can-drink party packages at oceanside resorts, while ignoring the fact that a third of the population in the Dominican Republic lives in poverty,
“This Spring Break will be just like when I went on Appalachia sophomore year, except that this time, it’s all about me,” remarked club rugby player Chad McCarthy (CSOM ‘16), who sources referred to as the human embodiment of an LMFAO song. “While Appa members have been meeting weekly to learn about their service placements in preparation for their trips, I’ve been hitting the Plex five times a week and eating right since last May in preparation for mine. Not too different, eh? We do a lot of talking about being men and women for others, but is it so wrong to be men and women for ourselves every once and awhile? I’ve had a grueling academic semester, I’m in denial about graduation, and I’m still on the job hunt. I deserve to just sit in the sun and drink until my worries and anxieties take a back seat to good vibes, good memories, and even better no-strings-attached hookups. If you think I’m getting in some kind of serious and genuine relationship with less than 3 months of school left, you’re kidding yourself.”
Lynn Smith (CSON ‘16), another student heading to Punta Cana, stressed the importance of complete commitment to the trip: “They say you get what you give on retreats and in service, and this personal trip to a beautiful beach is no different. I’ll be disappointed in myself if I don’t drench every ounce of my soul in sunlight, sand, and drunk food. I haven’t been this excited to drink in a foreign location with hundreds of my closest friends while completely ignoring the local culture and people since Oktoberfest! If everything goes like I’m imagining it, I think I’ll find that “service high” that people always talk about. Or, if that doesn’t come to fruition, I could always just find some Xanax or good weed.”
However, not all Boston College students are off to these beautiful vacation destinations for personal care. A herd of volunteer do-gooders from Appalachia Volunteers Program are off to some less glamorous parts of the world, where inequality and social injustice run rampant, in an effort to sacrifice their spring breaks for the benefit of others. As they offer themselves and their time to the United States’ poor and marginalized, they will also get to know each other better through small-group reflection, spirituality, and conversation. “While it’s no crazy drunken fuckfest, Appa is one of the most rewarding things I’ve done in my four years at Boston College. I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. Hell, I don’t think my body could even handle a week of copious amounts of alcohol and barely sleeping. I’m proud of my peers heading to Punta,” said Appa leader Thomas Chang (MCAS ‘16).
At press time, the students stuck on campus for Spring Break were feeling a lot like Jeb Bush.