The New England Classic
WASP Infestation In The Theology Department: Boston College Catholics Are Stung

It all started when the Morrissey College of Arts and Sciences decided to implement a new diversity, equity, and inclusion policy that mandated hiring one staff member who crosses their arms over their chest during communion each academic year.

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Spooky! Your Situationship Wants To Do A Couples Costume

As students across BC College’s campus prepare their scariest costumes for Halloween, some are in for a spookier time than others. Any bachelor will tell you that few possibilities fuel their nightmares like the idea of defining a relationship. 

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Eagle Escort Now Offering Complimentary Catcalling Services

Previously only used as a transportation service for injured or otherwise disabled students on campus, Eagle Escort will now be offering what BCPD is calling “mobile mood boosters.”

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Male Enrollment In Stats Spikes After Professor Differentiates Between Mean and Median Saying “Size Doesn’t Matter”

Dik paused to pop a Zyn and recount his professor, “She was gettin’ into the nitty gritty of mean and median, when she clarified that the magnitude in median was bull, and the magic was in personality and like humor and shi. I resonated with that, so I took it to my bois and the rest is history.” 

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Barack Obama Added As Introductory Commencement Speaker

Although students have already been buzzing about the thought of Dale Louie Richard’s wise and inspiring words, this short introductory speech will surely add a wonderful preface and act as a nice cherry on top.

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Man Cooks Up ALC Showdown Parlay Following Tragic March Madness Bracket Loss

However, once he realized his mistake and discussed the issue with the boys (many of whom had made the same mistake) Swatcher realized that he could use the event to quench his thirst for competition and fuel his ever-present gambling addiction.

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“I Thought The Business School Was Male-Dominated,” Says Class Of 2029 Freshman Enrolled In CSON

“Just then, he realized his grave mistake. He had applied and been accepted into CSON — The Connell School of Nursing, not CSOM — The Carroll School of Management. “

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English Dept. Vacates Irish Studies Offices After 800-Year Occupation

“We didn’t even really do anything that bad, but I guess it was important to say something ahead of these St. Patty’s [sic] Day shenanigans,” read their attempt at an apology. “Sure, we might’ve reduced their discipline to a wee minor, bastardized their entire language, and deliberately poisoned all potatoes in their breakroom, but can I get a sláyyy-ante?!”

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Awkward! Pre-Law Student’s Only Job Experience Is Representing Himself In Court

Spictor had gained a reputation on campus for his argumentative prowess and for wearing a tie that was tied like shoelaces. He’s played the devil’s advocate in nearly every class discussion he’s been in.

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Fr. Butler Clarifies Last Name Not Due To Affinity For Service But Elitist Beliefs

As Butler expounded on his life story, his motivations became clear. In kindergarten he was helping hold silver spoons in the mouths of trust fund kids, writing Santa to ask him to give his gift allotment to ExxonMobil, and drafting petitions in Sunday School asking the Pope to request a class system in Heaven.

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