WTF Archives | Page 11 of 13 | The New England Classic

Anti-Matter “Dark Leahy” Emerges From Project Lucidity, Loudly Denounces Racism

Leahy WTF November 9, 2020

“I AM LLIB YHAEL, ARBITER OF JUSTICE,” screamed the otherworldly abomination. “MY GUNS DISPERSE JUDGEMENT, MY SWORD CLEAVES IGNORANCE IN TWAIN!”

Welles Crowther 5K To Be Held Over Wii Fit

Coronavirus Service WTF October 16, 2020

The run’s organizers are also taking aggressive steps to prevent runners from simply shaking the Wiimote up and down. All participants are required to install Proctorio, the test-proctoring software, onto the Wii that they will be using, which will track their movements using the Wii’s sensor bar.

“Don’t Travel During Columbus Day Weekend” Say Lochhead, Comeau From Helm Of The “Pinta”

Holidays WTF October 12, 2020

“Executive Vice President Michael Lochhead and Director of University Health Services Dr. Douglas Comeau were spotted by a source close to The Classic Early Monday morning, steering a replica version of Christopher Columbus’s Pinto on some sort of homage reenactment in the Caribbean Sea.”

Records Reveal Boston College Has Paid $0 In Income Tax For 150 Years

Big Issues Leahy School WTF September 29, 2020

LINDEN LANE — Owing to an anonymous source, The Classic has obtained Boston College’s tax records dating back to the early 1870s, giving the clearest picture of the University’s finances to date and revealing centuries of chronic tax evasion and seemingly complete impunity from the United States’ tax code.... Read more

7% Tuition Increase Used to Give CSOM Students Special Snacks

Student Life WTF September 22, 2020

“With enough preparation, they should be able eat like grown-ups by the time they make it to the break room at Goldman Sachs.”

What The Fuck: Molly On Campus Without Mask

Campus Culture Coronavirus WTF September 1, 2020

The Classic tried to reach Molly’s owner’s wife for comment, but we were unable to make contact.

O’Neill Answer Wall Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s

Campus Culture School WTF February 24, 2020

ST. ELIZABETH’S HOSPITAL — Following months of intensive consultations, representatives of the Thomas P. O’Neill estate announced on Monday that the famed O’Neill Library Answer Wall, which has been candidly answering anonymous questions since 2017, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. “We were deeply saddened when we received the... Read more

Martin Jarmond Kills Baldwin, Replaces With Baby Baldwin

Sports WTF February 3, 2020

Like what you see? Get yer fixin’ with our Spring Print Edition, coming to a silent library near you! Read more

Mods Turn 50, Still Dating 21-Year-Old

Campus Culture Student Life WTF January 28, 2020

THE MODULARS — The temporary housing units known as the ‘Mods’, beloved by seniors and yearned after by freshmen, celebrate their fiftieth birthday this year. The Mods are often featured on Instagram and other forms of social media, and recently a picture of them with Kelly O’Brian (LOSE ’21),... Read more

What To Do When Your French Roommate Jean-Pierre Labeouf Won’t Stop Putting Cigarette Ash In Your House Plants Even Though You Specifically Asked Him Not To

WTF April 20, 2019

Ugh, Jean-Pierre. Even saying his name makes you wince, like you just took a bite of a really shitty lemon. A lemon called Labeouf.