WTF Archives | The New England Classic

LTE: Help! My Resident Minister Offered Me Her Cookie!

Campus Culture Jesuits Sex WTF September 18, 2025

That’s when my problem began. I was taking the Walsh elevator to the third floor when I found myself trapped with the resident minister. I tried to avoid her by playing with my COC (clash of clans) but, apparently, she took that to mean something else.

Campus Rec Reports Sauna Overcrowding As Students Prepare For Sweaty Parties

Campus Culture Drinking WTF September 5, 2025

The Classic spoke to some of the women in line, asking them why they would be willing to wait for so long just for a sauna? They all responded similarly, saying that they needed to be ready for the weekend.

Rising Senior Suspiciously, Concerningly, Creepily Excited To Take Freshman Courses

Freshmen WTF April 10, 2025

For some, this means taking random extra classes just to fill their schedule. For others, like Phil Thee (CSOM ‘26), this means taking freshman core classes in their senior year.

Phew! Pre-Med Man Has Some Advice For Your Period Cramps!

Big Issues Student Life WTF April 7, 2025

Plainer shared her appreciation: “I never would’ve thought to take Advil for my period. Thank goodness there was a future doctor.”

Heroic ROTC Sophomore Won’t Stop Calling Going Abroad “Getting Deployed”

Abroad WTF February 21, 2025

The Classic caught up with Tennant in his Vandy 8-man, or “HQ”, just one day after he learned of his placement at the University of Learnenschoolen in Switzerland.

Polyamorous Student Is Thrilled You Are Looking For An 8th

Dorm Stuff Sex WTF February 19, 2025

UPSIDE DOWN PINEAPPLE — Freshmen, yearning for a common room and non-communal bathroom, are looking for their perfect eight-man. Across campus and Fizz, these students are desperately searching for the final piece to their puzzle. However, at a roommate meet and greet last night, Polly A. Morris (MCAS ‘28)... Read more

After Beanpot Loss, Will Smith Now Only Says He “Went to School in Boston”

Sports WTF February 13, 2025

Shockingly, Smith, too, replied, “I also went to school in Boston too, but I dropped out! But it’s not the same school as Macklin!” seemingly embarrassed to associate himself with the biggest Beanpot chokers of the last decade and the dumbassery of a student section that held up a “BC SUCKS” flag.

As DEI Initiatives Unravel, BC Adds More Stairs

Big Issues School WTF February 7, 2025

“When there were ramps and stuff, it was such a challenge,” recalled Meath Ed (CSOM ’27), “it doesn’t really make sense how they work. Like how do I go up when there’s not a platform for me to step on?”

“Wanna See My nephew?”: How Is This Freshman I Know Already An Uncle?

Freshmen WTF February 6, 2025

Instead, Uncle Brian will learn to rely on figures like hourglass, slim thick, and pear for the remainder of his collegiate years.

Holy Kaiju! Democrats Unveil Mecha Luther King Jr. Ahead Of Trump Inauguration

Big Issues WTF January 16, 2025

While it is unclear what kind of deal will be brokered between the US Government and King Ghidorah, conspiracy theories have gripped the nation about the impending Kaiju battle.