The New England Classic
Overeager Freshman Uses Ambulance Transport As Valuable Pre-Med Networking Opportunity
ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — Freshman pre-medical student Calvin Morris (MCAS ‘21), both working hard and partying harder, successfully expanded his professional network last weekend from the back of a Fallon Ambulance located outside of Keyes North. Morris, drifting in and out of consciousness, gained valuable insights from the... Read more
Professor Struggling To Find Anything To Agree With In Student’s Response
DEVLIN HALL — On Tuesday, students in the 10:30 AM section of Europe in the World looked on helplessly as Henry van Cumberbund (CSOM ‘20) provided what may have been the absolute worst possible answer to a question about the causes of World War II. After Professor Laura Bourke... Read more
Freshman Beginning To Suspect Orientation Leader Doesn’t Actually Want To Be Friends
STOKES SOUTH — Freshman Anna Blumberg realized that her orientation leader, Aaron Parsons (MCAS ‘19), may not actually want to be friends after Parsons showed up more than twenty minutes late for their coffee date Thursday. “I’m so glad my OL finally found time to meet up with me,” said Blumberg... Read more
Embarrassing: This Freshman Said “Have A Good Day Professor” To His Mom
CLAVER HALL — In a recent phone call home, freshman Dave McDoug (LSOE ‘21) reportedly bid farewell to his mother by saying “Have a good day, professor.” “God, I’m so embarrassed!” McDoug said in an interview. “I accidentally referred to the woman whose womb I once called home as... Read more
Wise RA To Freshman: “I remember when I was your age”
CLAVER HALL — Sophomore Resident Assistant Jessica Bryant (MCAS ’20) imparted some invaluable nuggets of wisdom to freshman Sierra Mortensen (LSOE ’21), one of her residents on Claver 3, Tuesday afternoon. With a full nine months of college under her belt, Bryant found herself reminiscing about the “good ol’... Read more
“Fun Fact” Not Actually That Fun
STOKES NORTH — Classmates of Todd Cummings (MCAS ‘21) were incredibly disappointed Thursday after his introductory “fun fact” in their First Year Writing Seminar turned out to be really not that fun. The professor’s innocent attempt to get to know her students’ names and interests quickly devolved once it was Cummings’ turn... Read more
Distraught Freshman Girl Runs Away Down South In Search Of Sorority Big
FORT WORTH, TX — Boston College freshman Sophia Brambleberry has reportedly left the Heights and moved to the southern United States in search of her very own sorority big sister. She has been camping out on the campus of Texas Christian University since Sunday, sleeping on the lawns of... Read more
ResLife Clerical Error Gives One Lucky Freshman Housing In Meatball Obsession Stand
LOWER CAMPUS — As many Boston College freshmen continue their frantic social scramble to secure housing for next year, one lucky student will be living somewhere a little more unique than the typical sophomore housing options, thanks to a clerical error by an entry-level ResLife employee. Vito Anthony Bertucci,... Read more
“Everything’s Good, You?” Reports Hometown Friend
YOUR HOMETOWN — In a 10-minute text message exchange held Tuesday afternoon, it was confirmed that “everything” with your hometown friend Ryan was “good, you?” While he confirmed that “classes sucked,” your pal from high school was keen to note that his workload this semester “wasn’t too bad” and... Read more
Freshman Gets Stuck in Labyrinth Behind Bapst
LINDEN LANE — Wandering through campus on a hot afternoon late last week, adventurous freshman Bobby McGallian (CSOM ‘20) found himself lost in the Memorial Labyrinth behind Bapst Library. Overwhelmed by the first week of college and the demands of his core classes, McGallian was looking to blow off... Read more