Leahy’s Successor Revealed To Be Evil Face On The Back of His Head
ST MARY’S HALL — Campus has been buzzing recently with news of Father Leahy’s upcoming retirement. The logical question then follows: what 60 year old white priest will be replacing Leahy as President of Boston College? In an attempt to get to the bottom of this mystery, the Classic recently snuck into Leahy’s office with the hopes of finding some clues. However, what we found was much, much darker than expected.
While snooping around the office, one of the NEC reporters accidentally knocked over a statue of St. Ignatius Loyola on Fr. Leahy’s desk. This caused a bookcase filled with Leahy’s complete Diary of a Wimpy Kid collection to swing open, revealing an ominous dark tunnel. The naturally curious reporters entered the funereal catacomb and followed the path until it opened up to a large cave. A quiet yet omnipresent whisper could be heard throughout the cavern, and the journalists could just make out a figure standing by a large glowing cauldron. As they drew closer, they realized that the whisper was coming from this mysterious figure.
Suddenly the figure turned around and revealed themselves to be none other than Fr. Leahy! One quick-thinking reporter whipped out his pen and paper as Leahy proclaimed, “It is I, William P. Leahy, and I am now announcing my successor to you few snooping reporters. My successor is none other than…” he paused to raise the already scalding levels of suspense. “Me!”
However, this last word did not come from Leahy’s own mouth. He turned to reveal the speaker: an evil face located on the back of his head!
The reporters recoiled in fear as the face let out a spine tingling cackle. The face then added, “All I need to complete the job transfer is some unassuming satirical reporters. Looks like you’ve fallen straight into my trap!”
Suddenly, Leahy leapt at the journalists, who narrowly escaped his grasp. They escaped the lair as fast as they could and immediately wrote this account of their harrowing adventures. None of the reporters were harmed, however they all noted their disappointment that the evil face was that of an ordained caucasian senior citizen.
With the job transfer still incomplete, the fate of BC seems to be safe. For now…