2150 Piano Replaced With Two Tiny Maracas And Communal Oboe
Student Life January 24, 2018
ST. THOMAS MORE APARTMENTS — Residents of 2150 were shocked this week to discover that their beloved lobby piano had disappeared without warning, replaced by two maracas sized for the fists of a newborn baby, and a single oboe with a ripped off piece of notebook paper taped to... Read more
Confused Freshman Shouts “Communication” From Gasson Tower, Declares Major
Student Life December 18, 2017
GASSON HALL — Boston College Police reported that late Monday night, freshman RJ Skurry was sighted perched ominously at the top of the Gasson bell tower in a misguided attempt to declare his major. Witnesses to the incident reported he then leaned back and in a trembling, climactic scream... Read more
Last Reference To Hopes And Dreams Deleted From Resume
Student Life December 18, 2017
CHESTNUT HILL — Driven by the fear of looking unprofessional and a desire to convey maturity, Boston College junior Flynn Carter deleted the line “Assistant Director – 2015 Libertyville High Musical” from his resume Monday night. Like many juniors in the midst of the summer internship hunt, Carter realized... Read more
Report: Lonely Student Probably Not Using That Chair
Student Life December 16, 2017
EAGLE’S NEST — A study done by the Boston College Sociology department revealed that the lonely student a few tables over from you in the Rat is most likely not using that chair. “Are you using this chair?” asked participants in the study to students sitting alone in the... Read more
BREAKING: Beer, Wine Sales Expanded To St. Ignatius Sunday Mass
JesuitsStudent Life December 1, 2017
ST. IGNATIUS CHURCH — On Friday morning, the Parish of St. Ignatius of Loyola announced that it would begin expanding its communion offerings to all parish masses starting with the 10:00 AM service this Sunday, December 3. This decision appears to have been inspired by the recent actions of... Read more
Anxious Junior Worried She Might Step Outside Comfort Zone Abroad
AbroadStudent Life November 15, 2017
FOSTER STREET — Rachel Weber (MCAS ’19) has been planning her spring semester in Parma, Italy for months now. However, as she begins to think about what her time abroad will bring, the nerves are starting to set in. “I know it will be okay,” explained Weber, who will... Read more
Students Complain College Curriculum Getting In The Way Of Sleepaway Camp
FreshmenStudent Life November 14, 2017
CHESTNUT HILL — The Office of Student Services has reported a major increase in the volume of complaints in the past 14 days. Calls and emails have been pouring in from distraught students from Walsh to Newton Campus complaining that the school work being assigned to them is interfering with... Read more
Tough Guy Still Wearing Shorts
BostonStudent Life November 13, 2017
WALSH HALL — After a grueling process of deliberation, the coveted honor of “Toughest Guy on Campus” was unanimously awarded to local student Hunter McGlintey (CSOM ‘20), who has continued to wear shorts into the frigid 40 degree temperatures of recent weeks. In a recent interview outside of his... Read more
Sophomore Accidentally Launches Nuclear Strike On Russia With UIS
Big IssuesStudent Life November 10, 2017
NATO HQ, BRUSSELS — Innocently attempting to sign up for next semester’s classes on UIS early Friday morning, sophomore Harry Wood managed to quite literally set the world aflame when he accidentally launched 24 Trident Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles towards targets in Russia from a US Navy Ohio-class submarine stationed... Read more
“I’m Fine,” Reports Becky’s Instagram
FreshmenStudent Life November 9, 2017
LOYOLA HALL — Stating that everything seemed normal, local Boston College freshmen confirmed that Becky’s Instagram makes it seem like she’s doing okay during her first year of college. This confirmation comes after last month’s feigned concern from third-floor residents of Loyola that something might have affected Becky’s psychological... Read more