Spooky! Girlfriend Wonders Why Boyfriend’s Yellow Minion Costume Turned Green
Campus CultureSpookyStudent Life October 29, 2026 The New England Classic
DUCHESNE HALL — ‘Twas All Hallows’ Eve, and Sophia Cuckley (MCAS ’30) had a master plan. With her SHEIN corset laced, transition videos filmed, and frat crawl mapped, nothing could stop her—apart from a lethal case of the flu.
To make matters worse, Sophia’s long-distance boyfriend, Dean L. Trade, was visiting town and planned to join in the Halloweekend fun. Sophia was going to be the sexy banana to Dean’s slutty Minion (so cute). However, with Sophia down for the count, Dean now needed something to do.
Trade was fascinated by the fast pace of Boston. He attended school in sleepy Middlebury, Vt., where parties were typically held after a member of the village announced the birth of a calf. Thus, he elected to spend $95 to go on a Halloween bar crawl as a single, raunchy Minion in slut straps. He gave a wet, yellow, Minion kiss to his sickly girlfriend’s forehead and headed out the door into the great unknown (Fenway).
Around 3:00 AM, Sophia heard Dean knocking and let him back into her Duchesne double. But to her horror, as she recounted to The New England Classic, “He had green paint smudged all over his lips.” Dean shrugged this off when Sophia questioned him about it, but she eventually saw big, blue handprints on “his tight short-shorts” and that same paint lining his whale tail as he turned toward the bathroom.
Sophia told the Classic that, as Dean washed up and got ready for bed, she thought she saw green kiss marks on both his neck and left nipple. The investigation into the incident continued with Dean the next day, when he stated that he was mainly hanging out with an old buddy from high school, Snee Key-Link (CSOM ’28).
Sophia and Dean debriefed the night together in private, and chalked the paint smudges up to a huge misunderstanding. After a painful goodbye, Cuckley felt good about her future with Trade. However, while sitting in the Chocolate Bar later that week, Cuckley learned that Snee went to the bar crawl as Smurf, explaining the green smudges on Trade’s body. Color theory, it seems, has finally come in handy. 
