10 Lies To Tell Your SAP Tour To Totally Bamboozle Them
BLOCKING THE ENTIRE SIDEWALK — During spring, you can catch representatives from the Student Admission Program (SAP) in their natural habitat, leading herds of wild visitors through campus. Out of the many opportunities for false promises and misleading exaggerations, here are The New England Classic’s top 10 to tell your tour group.
- Start the Tour with High Quality Caffeine
At the Chocolate Bar, CoRo, or Hillside, a plethora of available seating and table outlets make for an ideal study spot — especially the full-menu Starbucks. Most students start their day with a Unicorn frappuccino, an extremely affordable option thanks to the flexible Dining Plan.
2. #1 College Dining Ranking
Speaking of dining, mention how BC Dining is ranked number one in college dining (within Chestnut Hill)! Famously, the basement of Lyons functions as an 18+ Chuck E. Cheese, thus nicknamed “The Rat.” The campus’ premier source of Boston nightlife offers opportunities for socializing, specifically with all of your ghosted Hinge matches.
3. “Mod”ified Greek Life
Still craving a stronger social life, you extroverted freaks? Look no further than the Mods, short for Modified Greek life. Each red barn houses our wide selection of frats or sororities to rush for. ALPHA PHI <33
4. Relaxing, Brisk Walks on a Flat Campus
BC is well-suited for those adept with hoverboards, scooters, roller skates, etc. Bonus points if your scooter is electric, or your skates are Twinkle Toes.
However, some students are doomed to their own two feet. Advise that the Million Dollar Staircase is worth as much because it’s a convenient shortcut.
5. The Girthiest Building on Campus
Don’t lull your audience into sleep with boring building talk — get to the nitty gritty. Did You Know: Fulton was made with a “full ton” of stone, carried by Ethan Sullivan himself using our beloved cranes. Your group’s attention will surely be caught by the flashing LED lights from the business “meetings” in the Honors Library.
6. Father Leahy’s Bedroom
As your group passes Gasson – most eyes glued to their phones – interest them with another fun fact: every 15 minutes, Fr. Leahy awakens from his nap to ring the bell atop Gasson. If you catch him at the first ring o’ the morning, he’s seen flipping off onlookers.
7. Royal Roncastle
Housing can be a pain for other universities, but thanks to BC’s registration process, students can actually pick their time for registration! Motivate your group to aim for Roncalli, or more famously Roncastle: the most sought after dorm on the entirety of campus (not including our luxurious Newtonland).
8. Diverse Resources for Students
With BC’s move towards a progressive future, of course we have plenty of resources for those from diverse backgrounds. I mean, who needs an LGBTQ+ Resource Center, when UHS has anti-“bi”-otics. Close enough!
9. Your Life is a Movie FR
If your tour group is actually interested in education, BC has a fantastic place to romanticize staring at a blank Google Doc: Bapst Library. Praised as “Bapts,” your future Eagles may recognize the gorgeous interior from movies such as Harry Potter!
10. Super Super Easy to Get to Boston
We may have “Boston” in the name, but it’s sure as hell nowhere near campus! Fear not — your tour group will be at ease to hear that the speedy B-line takes students downtown in less than five minutes.
Honorable mentions for while you’re walking backwards: the heated toilet seats and bidets in bathrooms, our ACC powerhouse football team, and 2022’s Professor of the Year, Lynne O’Connell.