Tabling A Cappella Groups Ask BC “What That Throat Do?”
Campus CultureFreshmenSex September 9, 2026 The New England Classic
STOKES LAWN — In a bi-annual rite of humiliation and deceit, the Boston College involvement fair brings together student organizations from all parts of campus. Although a hallmark of this tradition is yelling increasingly invasive rhetorical questions at 18-year olds, none do it more in tune than Boston College’s myriad of a cappella groups. A cappella, from the latin active fellas, is the group act of being ok at singing.
A lanky bisexual in business casual shouts to a passerby, “Hey, do you sing or beatbox?” Some heads shake. Some eyes divert. Some ignore the question entirely.
“Hey! Do you sing or beatbox?” People begin fleeing. Not even a “kiss” from the Sharps keeps people from immediately darting away from the club tables.
“HEY DO YOU SING OR BEATBOX?” An empty walkway forms in front of Stokes South. Not a soul dares to walk through the aisle. Some students plan an escape route through the Stokes bridge.
The Dynams look to the Sharps, who look to the Heightsmen, who look to the Common Tones and the Bostonians, who then look to the Acoustics and B.E.A.T.S. None of the groups had any clue as to what to do. The Acoustics tried to give a solution but no one listens to the Acoustics anyways. Nevertheless, the a cappella groups had a big problem. One that they had to come together to solve.
The Office of Student Services (OSI),known by many intellectuals as or the “Office of Supremacist Ideology” as we at The New England Classic like to refer to them as, has begun their tyrannical dictatorship in a war against student group publicity. Their extremist agenda has halted all forms of recruitment.
The a cappella groups tried to brainstorm but to no avail. They couldn’t aggressively badger the incoming freshman as the Dynamics had already received an assault charge and the Heightsmen had several restraining orders against them. Further, they couldn’t even play their music too loud or the fascists from The Office of Student Services (OSI), or the “Office of Supremacist Ideology” as we at The New England Classic like to refer to them, would execute them. They already took one B.E.A.T.S. member.
The a cappella groups only had one viable option left. To take the road less traveled. To ask the unsaid questions. To dig deeper into the BC student body.
“Hey, what that throat do?” One meek Common Tone asked, his voice echoing down the empty walkway in front of the a cappella tables.
All of the sudden, throngs of people started to crowd the a cappella tables. Several Bostonians fainted as this was the most attention they had ever received.
People from every walk of life came to these tables. There were football players trying to audition for the Heightsmen. The Club Club Lacrosse players were trying to prove they’re touse by auditioning for the Dynamics. But most shockingly, Against the Current was seeing sign ups from Jewish, Muslim, Buddhists, and more.
Now, we’re asking you, what that throat do?
