Kostka Girls Spotted Tanning As February Temperatures Reach A Record 42 Degrees

PATCH OF GRASS OUTSIDE KOSTKA — Spring has sprung on Boston College’s campus, with the 18 inches of snow on the ground dwindling down to a mere four. Puffers are unzipped, scarves have been stowed, and temperatures have climbed to a balmy 40 degrees (for a singular day). 

With trips to Punta Cana, Grandma Porter’s house in Tallahassee, or Puerto Rico rapidly approaching, students have been spotted tanning around campus. 

The Classic sent reporters to upper campus, where a group of freshman girls was seen laying out between mounds of snow. When asked about her commitment to that sunkissed look, Kayleigh Dumblon (CSON ‘29) stated, “When I woke up this morning, I knew my UV prediction was right. My right boob never lies when it comes to weather. This is the perfect opportunity to work on my spring break base tan. I even wore a Triangl bikini under my sweater to Pathophysiology.” 

One quick call to maintenance later, and a few towel-sized patches were carved out to enhance the tanning experience for Dumblon and her friends. “One layer of my Amazing Babe Browning Lotion™ when the UV peaks at three today should do the trick,” Dumblon continued, “I’ve got this down to a science; the snow actually reflects the light of the sun and makes the rays stronger,” Dumblon explained. 

Meanwhile, a group of Gonzaga boys walked by clad in sweatshirt-shorts-flip flops combos, carrying a Spikeball net. Despite an hour spent shoveling out a spot for the net, their game was short-lived after one boy slipped and fell on ice, severely wounding his ego and ankle. 

The girls reportedly laid out for three hours, despite temperatures falling again. With blue extremities and chattering teeth, Kayleigh insisted “beauty is pain,” and they were close to reaching a “Level three bronze.”

Unfortunately, the interview was cut short when Dumblon asked our reporter to “oil her up.”

More Hot Single Sandwiches NEAR YOU:

History Major Finds Success At Renaissance Fair Pumpkin Sues BC EMS For Botched Surgery The Sun Puts University Counseling Services Out Of Business WOAH! Boy Legs!