Circle Tavern Installs Bright Lights, Hockey Team Fails to Show Up
Campus CultureDrinkingSports April 1, 2025 The New England Classic
CIRCLE TAVERN — With frequent appearances in Beanpots, Hockey East Tournaments, and National Championships, the BC men’s hockey team is no stranger to the big stage. Unfortunately, their repeated failure to win the big one calls into question whether the team can show up when the lights are brightest.
That said, there is one place where the team will always show up—Circle Tavern. Rain, shine, win, or lose… they booze.
“Ahh y’know when they keep the lights low in the Circle basement, we’re able to stick to our system and keep it simple. Like I said, we’re able to get pucks deep obviously and generate high-quality scoring chances—with the girls, that is,” said one player from Atlanta (nope, not Saskatchewan) who asked to remain anonymous. “When they told us we were the first seed, we were so happy, obviously. Y’know, just happy to have the right to be the first ones to plant our seeds in some other underage puck bunnies.”
However, when Boston Police threatened to suspend Circle’s liquor license, the management team made a drastic change to curb underage drinking.
By installing bright lights in the bar, Circle manager Alaa Llowit has successfully deterred the entire hockey team from the establishment.
“Ah, y’know, umm, when we were performing in that forgiving, low-stakes environment, y’know it’s just an all-out assault on the [bar-]tendy, throwing a lot of [Jägermeister] shots back,” said another player who could never finish his shots. “But now that they installed the bright lights, that high-pressure environment just became too much for us.”
At press time, the undefeated women’s lacrosse team was not seen in Circle.
