“It’s Like A Third Leg”—Telltale Signs Of Leahy’s Snow Angel
LeahyStudent Life January 15, 2025 The New England Classic
CHESTNUT HILL – In the dawn of the early morning, BC awoke to find its campus dusted with 3 inches (a lot!) of glistening snow, painting the untouched lawns of campus so white. Upon further inspection however, Gasson Quad was not untouched: in the middle lay a fresh snow angel, complete with wings, a priest collar, and a tree-trunk sized sleeve jutting from its crotch.
The Classic’s resident snow angel specialist can confirm that the collar and unseemly imprint are the trademark of President Leahy, infamous snow angel enthusiast.
Given the rather unique angel imprint, the BC student body jumped into speculation. “Yeah, the snow angel was immaculate,” said Dixie Normus (PNIS ‘26), “but the…thing…coming from its groin… genuinely looked like a bazooka. And I’ve never even seen a real bazooka.” Dixie went to say, “And he HAD to have been naked. Stark-white, bare-bottom, free-of-cloth naked. Nobody can get those vein-prints through three layers of polyester!”
Footprints left around the angel were those of a frolicking priest jumping and dancing with the whimsy of lost youth. Out for an early morning jog, Jenna Talia (KOC ‘25) recounts, “It was a total shock. The way he danced was obviously frightening, but slowly grew into a nuanced and moving interpretation of the passion and power of winter.” After pausing the interview to let Talia collect her emotions, she continued. “Honestly, the performance was nothing short of impressive, and that’s not even including the fact that I don’t have a literal meat-trumpet between my legs.”
One student remains skeptical of the authenticity of Leahy’s angel. Mark Penis (NUT ‘27) says, “First of all, biblically-accurate snow angels don’t even have genitalia. And second of all, every guy can get vein prints through three layers of polyester!”
At press time, Leahy was spotted waddling through Lower, chattering his teeth and holding his junk in his wet palms.
