UFC Fight Night – Paul VS Leahy

SAINT MARY’S HALL – Amid the utter domination displayed on Netflix’s recent boxing spectacle, the same question was on everyone’s minds: Which elderly man is next for Jake Paul? Today, students wonder no longer. Jake Paul’s newest youtube video, I’m Fighting Fr. William P. Leahy, SJ, put an end to all of the rumors.

After lengthy consultation with the Vatican, Leahy accepted the challenge, and the newly announced heavyweight bout had campus buzzing.  “I dunno about you, but I’m fuckin hyped. Putting my life savings on that Leahy moneyline!” says Gam Blingaddict (CSOM ‘25).

In preparation for the headlining event, the third floor of the Plex has been sectioned off for the president’s training-specific purposes. Leahy’s strict regimen consists of a healthy mix of  intense water aerobic dance, low intensity steady state cardio on the PhysioMax Commercial Total Body Exerciser Upper Body Ergometer and Recumbent Bike^TM, and 10 sets of yoga ball “goofing off” until failure to finish it up. 

When asked about the ensuing battle, the Jesuit responded, “You didn’t want to mess with me back in the day. I actually used to bench 405 back in high school. Would’ve gone D1 if I didn’t tear my ACL senior year. This kid doesn’t know what’s coming.” 

Excited to attend the greatest BC sporting event since the sailing championship that you definitely knew about? Make sure to save the date. This Saturday, November 23rd, at the one and only Quonset Hut. $17.50 per viewer, courtesy of CAB. Be on the lookout for BC Barstool putting out a poll for what theme to wear on fight night.

At press time, several students reported catching glimpses of Leahy sporting a new face tattoo and a freshly shaved head.

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