The New England Classic
Satan Visited Campus Today, And Yup, It Was Awesome

Satan Visited Campus Today, And Yup, It Was Awesome

Campus CultureWTF October 22, 2021 The New England Classic

“Yep. It was awesome,“ said Tugger Moatroder (MCAS ’23). Satan Visited Campus Today, And Yup, It Was Awesome

LOWER CAMPUS  — It came without warning and ceremony, but Satan himself visited campus today.

He arrived at 11:30 AM, exploring the Heights on a flaming motorcycle. Onlookers report he visited all of BC’s campus cornerstones and made loud declarations of what he thought about them.

Multiple people reported that Satan exclaimed at the Flutie Statue, “Oh sure, this is good, real fine thing this is!”

A crowd followed Satan as people realized this ten-foot-tall on-fire man was no ordinary visitor. As he made his way towards middle campus, Satan had approximately 100 students on his literal tail following him.

Moments later, Satan reached the statue of Ignatius.

“Gnarly!” Satan shrieked. “I know this is antithetical to my values but it’s so special what people can accomplish. Humans have to juggle so much and to be able do this too? Really special, guys. Please keep it up.”

Upon arriving at Gasson Hall, Satan shouted, “I may be vain but boy does this get me worked up! Nice job, all around. Architecture!”

Satan proceeded to explore the rest of campus, then returned to Lower Dining Hall for a Holy Grain before his ride back to Hell. We asked a number of students for their thoughts on Satan’s otherworldly visit. “Yep. It was awesome,” said Tugger Moatroder (MCAS ’23).

Another student, Lonnie Myway (CSOM ’24), said, “Oh my god, it was so awesome.”

Senior Eric Mandibles (MCAS ’22) offered his thoughts as well. “Awesome much? Yeah, it was!” he exclaimed.

A unique perspective on the visit from Satan was provided by Velma O. Plaque (CSOM ’23), who said, “To describe it in one word—Awesome. To describe it in two? So Awesome.”