Uh Oh: Typo on CAB Email Changes “Boo Bags” to “Boob Bags”
SexStudent Life October 14, 2021 The New England Classic
STOKES LAWN — The line at the CAB table this morning impressively wrapped all the way around Lyons, filled with eager underclassmen boys. The peculiar gender ratio left many passers-by wondering what could possibly draw such a crowd.
Hugh Juggs (CSOM ’25) explained to The Classic, “My roommate told me about the email this morning. CAB was gonna be handing out Boob Bags to the first 75 students who showed up today. Honestly, I thought I’d be getting a lot more action in my first month of college but man, it’s been dry. I really needed a good pick me up, if you know what I mean.”
Juggs was disappointed to learn that CAB was actually handing out seasonally appropriate BOO bags, not Boob Bags.
He continued, “I was pissed. My roommate is a such a fucking liar. Who would actually line up for a bag of fun-sized candy?”
CAB representative, Carol-Ann Brestly (LSOE ’23), spoke on the interaction with Juggs, “When I handed him the bag, he peeked inside with a huge grin on his face, but then immediately dropped it in some kind of tantrum. He repeatedly asked me where all the ‘busty ladies’ were. I don’t know how anyone could think that a campus-sponsored group would be handing out nude centerfolds to teenage boys.”
Once Juggs revealed the true nature of the goodie bags, a herd of blue-balled boys dispersed from Stokes Lawn.
CAB publicly apologized for the confusion on their Instagram, “The B at the end of Boo was a typo by a butterfingered, freshman member. We’d like to formally apologize for the disappointment experienced by many members of the student body. We’ve taken your concerns to heart and will consider the possibility of passing out ‘Porn-ucopias’ during the Thanksgiving season.”
At press time, Juggs was seen scouring Bapst for vintage playboys with no success.