British Student Walks Up Left Side Of Million Dollar Stairs
GABELLI PLAZA — British student Elizabeth Queen (MCAS ’22) caused mayhem on the Million Dollar Stairs on Wednesday when she used the left side of the stairs to ascend the incline.
“Blokes do everything so different on this side of the pond,” said Queen. “So it’s parky out and I’m knackered after a long day, and this plonker comes up to me — mad as a box of frogs and talking nineteen to the dozen — and says I’m on the wrong bloody side of the apple ‘n’ pears. I was gobsmacked! ‘Don’t get shirty with me!’ I told the lad.”
After this brief intercultural confrontation, Queen continued up to the top of the Million Dollar Stairs, which she exclusively refers to as the “756,945 Pound Stairs.” Queen, a freshman from Birmingham, has reportedly found it difficult to adjust to American culture.
“She just needs to accept that we do things differently around here,” said eyewitness Joe Smith (CSOM ’21). “Someone told her that it was 72 degrees out and she thought it was the apocalypse.”
At press time, Queen was spotted standing outside Carney Hall, which she had understandably mistaken for Buckingham Palace.