Pigs Love Mud! BCPD Creates Mudstock Team

MOD LOT PIG PEN — One of Boston College’s favorite traditions, Mudstock, is in full swing. Boston College students of all ages are slipping and sliding and twirling and splatting and splooting in the mud. This year, for the first time ever, BCPD has formed a team to compete.

“We couldn’t risk students having a space where they could be free of us,” said BCPD Officer Patrick I. Gardner. “It’s really important we are around to maintain law and order. What if a student at Mudstock starts discussing their plan to have sex in a dorm? We need to be there to spike the ball at them to prevent them from breaking university policy.”

BCPD plans to play the game fairly. Unless, however, a student gets mud on their clothes, or they remember an opposing student from a Walsh party they busted, or they feel a little warm that day, or they haven’t gotten a chance to treat a student unjustly recently. 

“I’m totally fangirling out,” said BC Republican Repp Uhbleekan (CSOM ‘27). “It gets me so hard—I mean stiff with civic pride—to see our honorable officers absolutely dominating on the field. Officer Gardner even said I could clean the bottom of his boots, I’d do it with my tongue if I had to, I can’t wait!”

To honor Boston College’s finest, the administration has decided to ban passing, setting, attacking, blocking, and defensive digging when playing games against the BCPD team. Generously, the admin has decided to permit serving.

At press time, Gardner was seen asking his superiors if he could require that all opposing teams play the game barefoot, and if he was allowed to supervise all games, for safety purposes, of course.

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