BCRepublicans Protest Drag Brunch For “No Queen’s Day”
Big IssuesCampus CultureStudent Life October 24, 2025 The New England Classic
THE CLEVELAND CIRCLE YOUNG REPUBLICANS CENTER — This past Saturday as “No Kings Day” protests swept the nation to protest the Trump Administration, the short, fat, and ugly eunuchs in BCRepublicans knew they needed to do something to stand up for their Daddy.
According to Hefley Bezos-Glaser (CSOM ‘28) “We thought, how can we spin ‘No King’s Day?’ and sure enough, we came up with something original: No Queen’s Day.” Bezos-Glaser explained that it took several hours, multiple brainstorming sessions, and a ChatGPT+ account to come up with the idea.
Bezos-Glaser said the protest plan changed: “Originally, we were going to protest women in positions of power—but we didn’t want to bring any more attention towards successful women.” Ultimately, they had to settle for gay men dressed as women showing off powerful dance positions at a local drag show. “It was the closest we could get,” he said, “it was only a bonus that Drag Queens also indoctrinate children.”
So on Saturday morning, the BCRepublicans met at the Green Line stop and took the train downtown to the Club Cafe, where a Drag Brunch was taking place. The queens performing at the brunch included Miss Cut’in Snap-Benefitz and Big Beautiful Millie Bobbi Boobies.
“We gathered outside the Club Cafe, and our plan was to go in and throw Holy Water on all of them, and tell them to ‘keep drag away from kids’” said Bezos-Glaser. “Our biggest barrier was the bouncer and getting in, as most of us were under 21.”
One of their female members, Mary Pickme (CSOM ‘27) attempted to seduce the bouncer, but since he was a homosexual, that was to no avail. Eventually, the angry group of young patriots knocked over the bouncer and charged into the brunch.
“Upon entry, someone immediately threw a stiletto heel into my friend’s eye, and we had to get out of dodge pretty fast,” recalled Bezos-Glaser.
Even though their mission wasn’t successful, the BCRepublicans are still proud of how they celebrated No Queen’s Day. It only reaffirmed their conservative beliefs.
“We are ready to be martyrs for the conservative cause, as our leader Small-Dick-Nick Solheim told us, because obviously the Democrats throw stilettos at people’s eyes for no reason.” 
