Earl Grant Spotted Scouting Upper Basketball Courts Before Virginia Game
FreshmenSports January 31, 2026 The New England Classic
UPPER CAMPUS BASKETBALL COURT — Boston College men’s basketball has had some major losses recently, namely UMass and their dignity as human beings. With every loss, they are becoming more and more like the men’s tennis team: completely irrelevant.
To bring the men’s basketball team back into relevance, head coach Earl Grant has been quite active in his push to attract more students to the games. Despite various student incentives, including women’s Beanpot tickets, free T-shirts, and one night with (a begrudging) Dean Letourneau, nothing seems to be working.
Many have suggested that the team needs some fresh players. Earl Grant took “fresh faces” quite literally. Grant was spotted meandering around the Upper Campus basketball court with a bright pink, metallic clipboard and matching sunnies.
The basketball court is a breeding ground for two types of boys: short ones with extremely hairy chests and lanky ones with no control of their limbs. They come out of their first-floor lofted triples, braving the two feet of snow in their shorts and t-shirts, and shoot three-pointers into the wee hours of the night.
Grant was spotted watching these young recruits, and every now and then would scribble something in his signature sparkly pink ink. He watched for several hours and then returned the following day.
At press time, reporters from the Classic approached Grant, asking why he was sitting under a tree watching underage boys. Grant simply said, “Keep coming.” 
