LTE: Help! My Resident Minister Offered Me Her Cookie!
Campus CultureJesuitsSexWTF September 18, 2025 The New England Classic
Dear NEC,
I’m in serious trouble.
It all started when one of my friends told me about her weekend. She explained that she refused to give up her cookie to a guy she met at Circle basement who wanted to “dick her down crazy style.”
“Like oatmeal raisin from the Rat?” I responded, but it quickly became clear that she was talking about a whole other type of cookie.
That’s when my problem began. I was taking the Walsh elevator to the third floor when I found myself trapped with the resident minister. I tried to avoid her by playing with my COC (clash of clans) but, apparently, she took that to mean something else.
Now, I have no issues with ministers. My Grandma would always glaze the shit out of our church minister growing up. I was always thinking “Jeez, Gram, zip it up when you’re done.” I think it goes against one of the commandments to be bouncing on his pole like that.
Anyway, when the RM had that Diddy look in her eyes, I knew it was over for me. “Come to my room,” she said, “Eat my cookie!”
Is this normal? Do I have to accept her offering?
I’ve heard that some weird stuff goes on at Boston College (BC Full Swingers, Catholic Priests) but I never thought it would go this far. I didn’t go to a Catholic high school, so I don’t know the extent of how freaky the Catholics get. I’m literally 19 now, I thought they only did that stuff to minors.
And by the way I know my way around a cookie FYI for your information. If I really wanted to, I could tap that minister minge. Trust me, I don’t need ANY advice on that. I mean it. I’m really good too if anyone asks, also.
All that is to say, I really need your help. What should I do? Am I allowed to refuse a woman of God?
Sincerely,
Deeply Concerned Resident
