Your Friend Who Puts Herself In Dangerous Situations With Strange Men Is “Totally A Samantha”
SexWTF March 24, 2023 The New England Classic
CORCORAN COMMONS — Sex icons. When those words are heard, Samantha Jones, the backbone of hit show Sex and The City, often comes to mind. However, one unsuspecting student, Ah Loof (CSOM ‘24) made the mistake of sharing her relationship troubles with her friend who is a Classic writer. It’s become clear while Kim Cattrall did her character justice; some modern viewers are not giving Samantha the same courtesy.
“Oh my god! I’m literally such a Samantha! Last night I was literally fucking this random guy in some abandoned warehouse and the whole time he was just going on and on about how my head would look so good on his mantel. Whatever that means. Then he told me that I would fit perfectly in his freezer? Anyways, I was getting a little nervous because of course I had turned off my location so that you wouldn’t judge me. But honestly it wasn’t that bad, do you think that I should see him again?” Loof (CSOM ‘24) confided to her concerned and frightened friend.
And just like that, The Classic became a material witness to a federal crime!
Meanwhile, somewhere in TriBeca penthouses, true Samanthas are throwing Valium managed fits of rage at the misrepresentation of their fearless leader. One avid fan even went so far as to tweet about the growing global issue. The tweet reads as follows:
“Samantha had exquisite taste, a strong sense of self, and never shed a singular tear over a man. Don’t you dare slander her name by comparing your letting of a man with no checking account, a foot fetish, and two outstanding warrants ruin your life for months on end”
At press time, Loof was discovered to be partaking in more life threatening sexual quests sans orgasms “for the sake of the plot”
