Guy You Hooked Up With Just Discovered The Term “Avoidant Attachment Style”
SexWTF October 18, 2024 The New England Classic
2000 COMM AVE.⎼ After weeks of having sex and having to sleep next to a sweaty, snoring boy’s body in her perfect princess bed, junior Cassie Usal (MCAS ’26) found herself grappling with yet another failed romantic pursuit.
The epidemic that is being in a situationship has plagued the hearts of some of our generation’s brightest minds, including Usal.
Despite him initiating all forms of intimacy, admitting he has feelings first, and also introducing his parents and peepaw to her at parents’ weekend, Manny Pulator, (CSOM ’26) decided to call things off as he was mid-thrust. He provided no explanation for his decision at the time of the thrust.
However, since the couple’s “split,” Pulator has discovered he is a victim of having an ‘avoidant attachment style.’ This discovery was made after his roommate was reviewing terms for his Self, Mind, and Society midterm.
This revolutionary discovery transcended Pulator to an entirely new plane of consciousness. Finally, his shitty actions have an explanation that justifies his horrific behavior! Huzzah, hooray!
Pulator was ecstatic and immediately inspired to schedule a Zoom call with his ex-shawty to provide context for his thrust-time decision.
“I just have to get something off my chest. I’ve been thinking a lot about how things went down. And I just, like, have something shocking to tell you. It explains why I am the way I am. I can’t help my shitty behavior because it’s literally a part of my attachment style, which is literally a part of my brain. It’s avoidant, by the way. I have an avoidant attachment style. So that’s why I led you on for months and also lovebombed the fuck out of you just to shit my pants and run away when things got real.”
Usal was not shocked at this discovery. She expected the Zoom to be more informative, as he sent her a very formal email detailing how he has been feeling introspective recently, and that he wants to share something with her.
“I was expecting, like, anything else. I mean, I could have told him that months ago” she said.
At press time, Pulator was seen updating his Tinder profile to include his discovery. 
