Trump To Rename Stokes Lawn “Lawn of America”
Big IssuesSchool January 23, 2025 The New England Classic

STOKES LAWN— Donald Trump (POTUS 2025) has brought on many changes within his first four days in office. He has signed several executive orders, including leaving the Paris Climate Agreement, pardoning those involved in Jan. 6, and his latest idea, renaming “Stoke’s Lawn” to “Lawn of America”.
Housing countless “liberal” arts classrooms, Stoke’s Hall is a top destination for immigrant tour groups, gendered study sessions, and giant DEI cookies from the Chocolate Bar. However, when cruising across the lawn, Trump was appalled with the fact that Boston College, a school with so many of his supporters, would name such a pillar of campus after the wretched pursuit of liberal arts.
Inspired by his order to rename the Gulf of Mexico, Trump hopes to reclaim the lawn from the blue-haired liberals who keep “lying” about “the looming threat of fascism.”
“They all just think they know what will happen because they study history,” said President Trump. “That’s not huge, that’s not great. Not great at all. You know what you should study? The Trump Bible. The X explore page. The TikTok ‘thank you President Trump’ message. Close your books and focus on this, NOT the mass deportations or my horrifying anti-trans legislation. Focus on THIS!”
BC Republican’s President, Grub E. Rathands (CSOM 2025) supports this effort, alongside Trump’s countless other sweeping executive orders.
“I’ve been saying this since I got here, we need to GET RID of liberal arts,” said Rathands. “Like, ever wonder why so many people with college degrees end up voting blue? It’s because they are brainwashing them to have empathy, critical thinking skills, and compassion for the other. My CSOM Classes would never.”
At press time, Rathands was seen doing the “Roman salute” to a passing tour group, to signify that BC is an American institution.