Confused Freshman Begins Training For Marathon Monday
COMMONWEALTH AVE — Marathon Monday is a well-known yearly tradition, and despite only the Senior class being personally familiar with it, the rest of Boston College’s student body generally understands the gist of the festivities. To these in-the-know juniors, sophomores, and freshmen, October 11 will be a long day of cheering on runners, alcohol consumption, and oozing school spirit.
But one freshman, Brent Henry (MCAS ’25), is not in-the-know. He thinks that the Marathon Monday tradition involves all BC students actually running the Boston Marathon. Last week, he began training for it.
“I don’t want to be the only one not running,” said Henry. He also detailed his workout regimen. “I do 30 minutes on the elliptical because the treadmill is too hard on my little knees.”
Henry’s roommate, Kyle Ozzie (MCAS ’25), offered his thoughts on the situation. “When he told me that he thought all of us had to run the marathon, I couldn’t tell him the truth. It was too perfect of a chance to get back at him for the September Incident.”
Ozzie declined to share what happened in September.
“It’s kinda backfired on me, though. Brent takes up the entire freezer with his custom-molded knee cap ice packs that his mom got him for his birthday,” he said.
When asked for a comment, Henry’s mother, Loretta, described him as “a real prick.”
To further prepare, Henry routinely wakes up at 6 A.M. “Do you have any idea how early students have to wake up to run this marathon? This is the most important social event of the year. I won’t miss it,” he said.
At press time, Henry’s neighbors reported that his alarm sound is “Old Car Horn.”