British Royal Navy Invades CAB World Fair
STOKES LAWN—Students and sabres were rattled on Saturday when CAB’s World Fair received an unexpected visitor: the British Royal Navy. The sailors made the quick stop on their trip to find the Northwest Passage so that they could investigate the cultures of the territories they were about to occupy.
After hearing about the event from an intercepted message in a bottle, the crew were clearly impressed by the multitude of cultural activities, as well as the extensive dining hall tea selection. The visit did not go off without a hitch, as a cluster of privateers temporarily restricted the flow of traffic near the Egypt display. After several tense minutes, the men moved along and the metaphorical Suez Canal was unclogged.
The seadogs couldn’t help but express their immense wonder and enticement towards the activities put on by the various cultural societies. “Aye, this is a proper spectacle,” said Capt. John Worthington (HMS Pinafore). “We came lookin’ fer oranges and rum, but the scoundrel at the liquor store wouldn’t accept a royal charter as a form of I.D!” Worthington went on to display the “bounty” he was able to acquire, including a “handsome” t-shirt and several “minging” rubber wristbands.
Students, however, were less than pleased by the gruff patrons. “These guys have totally thrown off the vibes of this event,” reported Annie Bonny (CSON ‘22). “They ate our whole stock of tikka masala and one of them almost shot a guy after he wouldn’t accept a handful of gold doubloons for the basket of Southeast Asian Student Association buttons.” Bonny also described the “savagery” of the cutlass-toting explorers, as well as their fixation with the Jamaican display.
At press time, the seamen were seen getting jolly roger facepainting while arguing with French Club and Irish Society members.