What The Fuck: Roommate Just Took The Lord’s Name In Vain

DUCHESNE HALL — A fight reportedly broke out yesterday evening in Duchesne West 208 when Euch Arist (LSOE ’24) overheard his roommate and local bad boy Adam McEve (MCAS ’24) reportedly taking the Lord’s name in vain.

“I honestly couldn’t believe it,” said Arist. “I mean sure, I may have instigated it by calling him a fat-ass mistake of a human being, but like taking the Lord’s name in vain? That’s just too fucking far, man.”

Upon hearing the news of McEve’s comments, BC’s faith group Agape Latte was moved to action. Over the weekend, the group responded by condemning McEve’s comments and releasing a guide of “Appropriate Alternatives to Blasphemy.” The guide consists of various suggestions for appropriate, alternative exclamations including “Gee Whiz,” “Good Gadfrey,” “Go Fuck Your Mother,” and “Shiver me timbers!”

“It’s just really disappointing,” said Arist. “I mean you think you know someone and then it turns out they don’t show due respect to all 10 Commandments? Just unbelievable.”

At press time, Arist was spotted surfing Bibles.com looking for the perfect bible passage to put in his Instagram bio.

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