The Stress Of The Season: My Dentist Took Like 9 Ritalins And Removed All Of My Teeth
University Health Services — In the university health services system, dental-based offenses are considered especially heinous. At Boston College, the dedicated dentists who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit.
A young man sits in the waiting room of UHS. He has no teeth. This is his story:
Bill Lee (MCAS ’23), eager to see his family, had decided to leave campus early and have a nice Thanksgiving at home. Little did he know, his mother had surreptitiously, secretly, and possibly even without his knowledge, scheduled the removal of his wisdom teeth.
Mr. Lee had been going to Happy Smiles Dentistry and Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery since he was in the second grade. Although his doctor, Sher Lee, D.M.D., M.D (no relation), had always struck him as high-strung, there had never been any issues in the past.
One can imagine his surprise, when, upon coming to after his operation, he was all gums and no mouth bones. His incisors had been in-seized, his molar ice caps had melted, his canines were all bark and no bite.
Dr. Lee, D.M.D., M.D., whose medical license has since been revoked, said, “I had been going through a really rough patch in my marriage, and I could feel it was taking me out of my work, so I decided to try taking a few extra Ritalin to help me focus. Then would you look at that, I’m removing this kid’s wisdom teeth and the left side of his mouth is just a little too different than his right side, and two hour later I look at the metal tray next to me as if I’m coming out of a trance and holy fuck I’ve made his mouth symmetrical all right, by removing ALL the teeth!”
Dr. Lee did not seem particularly remorseful. In fact, she seemed kind of impressed with her own work.
Mr. Lee noted that although he’ll be wishing for his two front teeth this Christmas, he does enjoy all the applesauce he’s been gumming down.
At press time, University Communications had reportedly reached out to Mr. Lee, looking to add another toothless staff member to their coalition.