Fuck Yeah: Kid In Your APPA Group Brought Her Dab Pen

PARKERSBERG, WEST VIRGINIA — Students in APPA group #42 have taken a break from building houses for the impoverished to get REALLY high in the mountains of Appalachia.

“Dabs with the bros are what make this experience so worthwhile,” said Eleanor Restucci (CSOM ‘21), referring to her G-Slim 2800 Wax Vaporizer, which she affectionately calls “PENnywise”. “Fat rips for poor kids, am I right?”

Every year, the service program sends groups of educated students to help communities in need. Group 42 is situated in West Virginia; however, other localities include Disneyland, Manhattan, and even Chestnut Hill.  

“I didn’t get my first choice placement this year on the Jersey Shore, and yeah, that shit sucked,” said Bryan Bickle (CSOM ‘20). “If I didn’t have my pen, I couldn’t survive buttfuck nowhere. Dab pens really do save lives.”

Clouds of smoke emerged from the construction site, the smog an indistinguishable concoction of dabs, mango Juul pods, and dust from those who really were working. The students were brought in to finish the project; however, a series of accidents have reportedly delayed the homeless shelter from opening for another two months. 

“It’s nice to get outside the stacks and rip in the fresh air, and kudos to BC for offering a free experience to do so,” said Rob Smith (MCAS ‘23).

APPA has declined to comment on this story.

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