Laundry Pile Becomes Sentient, Asks “What Are We?”

IGNACIO HALL — Senior Rachel Anthony had the shock of a lifetime on Wednesday morning when her three-week-old laundry pile questioned her about the status of their relationship. The laundry pile had been slowly growing under her bed for the last 21 days, and now was ready to define the relationship.

“I honestly couldn’t believe it,” said Anthony when asked for comment. “I literally threw my last pair of clean socks in the pile yesterday. And now the pile wants to DTR? At this point during senior year? Ugh.”

One of Anthony’s roommates, Audrey Kim (CSOM ’20), said that the confusion arose from the fact that Anthony and the laundry had been sleeping in the same room for so many weeks. Anthony said that it was “platonic, extremely platonic.”

The laundry pile declined to comment, but made it clear that it wouldn’t be going anywhere until Anthony got her act together and defined the relationship, or did her laundry.

At press time, the collection of hair on the wall of the shower in Iggy B24 was demanding to be added to the roommate group chat.

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