BOSTON COLLEGE CAREER CENTER — Late last Sunday evening, Boston College administrators introduced EagleKink to the student body, a new extension of popular LinkedIn alternative EagleLink. According to sources, this new software acts as a campus-wide social networking site aimed at connecting students with others interested in alternative sexual encounters.
In an email to the student body, the BC Career Center explained that the new service would be made available to connect students with “unique desires.”
“We noticed we weren’t satisfying these kids,” said Career Center director Lindsay Queens of the new service’s capabilities. “Leather, tie-ups, and whips are just some of the few fetishes we incorporated into the platform. We found that BC students have a number of sexual turn-ons that our existing platform simply couldn’t satisfy.”
The Career Center hopes that the program’s rollout would encourage students to start 2019 by developing new skills and abilities which they could eventually add to their résumés. With these newfound skills, these horny young adults will enter cuffing season with all the right “moves, thrusts, and humps,” claims The Career Center.
At press time, many students were seen googling “Positions other than missionary” on the O’Neill Library computers.