Dishes Slowly Gathering In Sink Eager To Destroy Peaceful 8-Man
VANDERSLICE HALL — Peering over the sink with satisfaction, a growing stack of unwashed dishes reportedly can’t wait to ruin the peace in its otherwise tranquil 8-person suite.
“I know Katie and Sara are getting along now,” said Sticky Coffee Mug (Dirty Since 08/28). “But just wait till they’re both low on caffeine and don’t have any clean mugs. That’s when the claws come out.”
“We’re a ticking time bomb,” agreed Crusty Shot Glass (Dirty Since 09/01). “Their roomie Instas won’t be looking so cute once they start having to play dishware Tetris in the sink.”
While some dishes are excited to wreak havoc in the suite, others are a little less enthusiastic.
“I honestly feel abandoned,” said Generic-Looking Cup (Dirty Since 08/30). “It’s getting cramped in here, and Laura is still passing me off as Ally’s. All I need is a little rinse, Laura. That’s all I ever asked of you.”
While the sink has already earned some passive aggressive comments from the roommates, the Brita might prove to be the dishes’ biggest competition in the race to all-out war.
“I’ve been empty inside for a really long time,” reported Brita (Empty Since 09/06). “I hope one day they feel that way, too.”
At press time, the sink itself was starting to feel the pressure, and had begun crying a steady flow of uninterrupted tears.