The 5 Types of People You Always Meet on the Newton Bus
Surprise! You’re a freshman on Newton! While the bus ride may be inconvenient, Newtonites love the freshmen-only dining in Stuart and the sense of community unknown to the bastards on Upper – according to your OL, at least. You’ll definitely appreciate it some day, right!?!? RIGHT!?! In the meantime, you have to know the five types of people that you’ll always meet on the Newton bus. As long as you’re not afraid of talking to people and making new, temporary friends, you will see these people all the time. Cheers to freshman year!!! Ingenuine social interaction AND surface-level conversation!!! Can you say, “#TogetherWeAreMore”?
Anyway, prepare to meet these 5 types of people on the bus:
1. Justin Timberlake
If you’re hitchin’ a ride on the Newton bus, plan on running into multi-talented superstar Justin Timberlake at least once! When you inevitably meet Justin, be sure to make small talk about his life as both a professional singer and actor! Don’t be intimidated by the fact that he’s won nine Grammy Awards, Justin is super down to earth, especially when he rides the Newton bus. You are eternally young and innocent, Justin! Sing us your song, and dance us your dance! We adore you, no matter the year or your hair color! He is also known to be found studying in the law library. Give it a shot!
2. JC Chasez
Everyone who has ever ridden the Newton bus has met ‘N Sync badboy JC Chasez. While JC usually sits in the front of the bus with the Keyes North basement guys, he can sometimes be seen in the back with the 2nd floor Cushing girls. What a charming socialite! Be sure to ask JC about his time as a childhood star on The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse – he has some hilarious stories! It turns out Jesus Christ isn’t the only super-hot JC prowling around campus.
3. Lance Bass
Lance Bass basically lives on the Newton bus. When you find yourself panting from running to the CoRo stop after a long night in O’Neill, expect to be welcomed by his stunning green eyes and warm embrace. “Lance! It is good to see you!” you will shout. He will always smile, and sometimes offer you a glass of cold iced tea and a high five. Thanks, Lance!
4. Joey Fatone
There may not be a more average Newton bus experience than running into Joey Fatone. Things can sometimes get rowdy on those late night bus rides, and Joey just wants to make sure everyone gets along and has a good time. Joey is such a sweetheart; he’ll definitely share some of his chicken tenders and mozzarella sticks with you, even if you don’t ask politely.
5. Chris Kirkpatrick
If you have lived on Newton, Boston College will not give you your degree until you’ve met Chris Kirkpatrick on the Newton bus. Now, most people are not excited to run into Chris because he can be a bit of an asshole. But several people have assured us that if you approach Chris slowly and gently stroke his hair and massage his shoulders, he will purr like a kitten and curl up in your lap. Classic Chris!