Freshmen Don’t Want Your Friendship, They Want Your Vote

STUART HALL — In the lengthy line for the Mac N Cheese Station at Stu last night, freshmen struck up conversations with fellow Newtonites, but after the typical name, major, hometown, daily complaint about living on Newton exchange, they shifted to the question: “Do I have your vote?”

The Boston College Class of 2029 is now running for UGBC Senate! They moved past wanting you as a bus buddy, and are now focused on their Senate campaign to “invest in their future” as a future partner of their dad’s law firm. 

Tactics to win the freshmen vote include holding up QR codes in front of lost-looking individuals near Walsh or the Mods, as well as posing as bouncers at Two Saints where they take fake IDs, collect $20 to cut the line, and snag their vote! 

Trey Haird (MCAS ‘29) pitches his ideas to The New England Classic: “My major ideas include, like, making the econ major easier so I can keep my 4.0…also maybe getting rid of Lynch and Nursing because they’re pretty annoying and why go to college if you’re not diving into corporate America, right?” 

A student who chose to remain anonymous due to future political ambitions that could be jeopardized by associating with a satire newspaper like the Classic said, “I sat down with Father Leahy and the president of UGBC and said, ‘I want to make history!’” Okay Debby Ryan.

Anyways…vote Jack Adams and Chase Gibson for UGBC Senate ‘29!

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