Splitting the G? You Mean Splitting My G-Friendships in Housing Week?

VANDY 6-MAN THAT YOU’RE NOT IN — This St. Patrick’s Day weekend, the “Split the G” craze swept over Boston College! No, we’re not referring to drinking your pint o’ stout down to the “G” in Guinness. We’re, of course, referencing all the G-friendships that have been split through Boston College’s room selection process

Molly Malone (MCAS ’28) believed her seven “literal besties” planned to split into blocked quads when they didn’t get an 8-man pick time. When she learned they skipped quad day to try for a 6-man, things got messier than freshmen at Circle. 

From the Fitzpatrick-Gonzaga lounge, Jeffina Probst (CSOM ‘28) broke the news. “Molly and Madison, you are no longer in the housing group. Pack your things and go. The tribe has spoken.”

Malone, a County Down native, was aghast at the revelation and shouted back, “Probst, wipe yer feckin’ arse from the shite yer spewing! On Paddy’s Day no less! You better pray to the saints ‘cause I’ll have no mercy on yer soul. I’m ringin’ the guards as this is a bleedin’ crime! You should be the one exiled—yer a feckin’ Proddy!”

Meanwhile, Madison who was now contemplating her entire life while nursing a Guinness pint, meekly piped up, “Hey look, I split the G,” as tears dropped into her glass.

“Molly, this is bigger than you and ‘The Cause,’” said Probst. “This is about our literal survival. It’s about making sure we have a common room and storage space.”

So, if you’re wondering if life ever gets better for Malone and the other exiled freshmen, we’re sorry to say it doesn’t. Your social life is effectively over, forever. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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